Right After This Here Nap....

So I'm constantly thinking of getting back to my routine, the gym, attempting a slow run, and while I'm gearing up for it, there's been another obstacle...SICK. 
This is where I insert a huge, loud, horrible groan, moaning, scream. 
I started coming down with something about 2 weeks ago.  In typical fashion, I fought it hard, and won.  A week later, kiddo came down with some horrendous flu/cold combination.  Between running to the store for more juice and cough syrup, and sanitizing everything in the house for days, working out was not going to happen.  
We had a wonderful four day Christmas weekend, kiddo was getting better, lots to do, people to see, presents to wrap, all of it was amazing.  But my biggest mistake?  Letting my guard down, I went easy on the sanitizing, didnt sleep as much as I needed, and  here I sit, strenuously fighting sick again.  Zicam, Aleve, and Airborne as often as I can get away with.  Right now the overwhelming fatigue and overall run over by a truck feeling I have makes the thought of even getting out to the track feel like a marathon.  I figure a few days of rest, more Zicam, Airborne, apple juice and tylenol and I'll be good to go.  Providing there IS an actual end to this garbage.  Between home, work and the average everyday stranger, I feel like it's everywhere.  I'm truly not a germaphobe, but good Lord could someone label me that now.  It's all I can do to not spray people in the facew with Lysol when they come stand at me and cough. 
So I'm still needing that nap.  And even more so.  Sleep and preventative measures are what takes it away for me, almost always.  Here's to hoping. 

Cross Training Christmas

Between the end of the last running school session I was mentoring and the beginning of half marathon training in January, I decided I was going to focus on my cross training, working on strength training and  general cardio strength and whatnot. 
I can't say it's not happening, it is.  Sorta.  Not nearly as much as I wanted. Not nearly as much as I'd hoped, but it's going.  Ive not had a decent run since the Thanksgiving run and that scares me.  I fear I'll 'lose' my mileage and not be able to get it back.  Ive done that before, accomplished something, not kept it up and then it kinda slipped away, never to become again.  I hate that. 
So I've not been as adamant about the gym, cross training as I'd hoped, but I realized something else.  I'm freaking tired!
For eleven months, I've been exercising, dieting, learning, running, cross training, meeting new people, mentoring, reading, maintaining runner buddy status, mental working in addition to my regular life of working, wife-ing, parenting, daughter-ing, sister-ing, home-ing, dogging, all of it.  While so much of it I love, it takes time, effort and it can take it's toll.  And that's not even mentioning the daily drama that surrounds my life at all times.  Cool. 

While I don't want to give myself too much slack, [ yeah, been there done that.  I call it the 30 pound Oreo: start with one, end up gaining 30 lbs]  I do want to make it real.  Eat real foods, nap on the couch, spend game night with the family without worrying about the gym.  So I'm attempting to kinda do both.  Yeah right.  I know how that sounds and I know how that goes. 

I'm taking a few classes at the gym, meeting for weights, walking, and doing a bit here and there.  Not expecting any weight loss, as I'm eating...well, like Santa Clause.  But I'm hoping at least when January comes, my system won't be in utter and complete total shock.

But at least for right now I'm attempting.  I'm not giving in, not giving up.  I'm doing what feels right, what feels normal for me right now.  I know all too soon I'll be enveloped in training for the half, working my buttocks off in fear of making an ass out of myself, so I'll double up on running and cross training events, I'll train hard and do what needs to be done for the 3 months of training hard.  I'll neglect my family, forget the dog, zone out at work and won't notice the dust and cobwebs in the corners. 
But I'm so excited. 

I'm excited for the toughness, I'm excited for the 'stress' and tight muscles, I'm excited for the drive I'll feel.  I'm excited for the challenge. I'm excited to feel that fatigue of training, I'm excited to push the limits, to feel the electric adrenaline pulsing through my veins. 

But for right now, I'm really kinda wanting a nap. 

The Laughing Leprechaun

I took yet another huge plunge and signed up for the Shamrock'n Half Marathon Training Program. Since I've been mentoring, I get the program for free. A big bonus and yet a potential problem for me. Of course, like everyone else, money is a bit of an 'issue' in our household. So not having to pay the fees is nice, yet it's often times the money issue that gets me motivated to do it. If I have money behind it, fear of wasting spent money is bad, so I forge on to get my money's worth. Not paid for? Nothing lost. That's dangerous thinking. But I want this. My goal is for March 17th, 2013 to run the Shamrock'n Half Marathon. Here goes nothing.

Now I've been getting these images of this nasty, yet adorable little leprechaun who is peering out of bushes waiting for me to run by, meanwhile laughing at me. " ah she thinks she runs a half, tee hee hee" as I go tripping over a blade of grass and having this leprechaun laugh and dance around me. I'll be race roadkill. Leprechauns do that kinda thing, don't they?
Now all these freaky, bizarre and downright stupid images I have, I haven't actually signed up for the race. Why?
Typical me. Fear. A different excuse everyday. We don't have the money. I don't have time. I don't want to run the actual race. I don't have anything to wear. It's selfish. What if I get hurt and waste the money? I might not be home the day of the race. It goes on an on. I know, fear just sucks.

Running Turkey

I admit it, I'm overdue for a post.  Got some catching up to do!

I decided with my running group to run the Run To Feed The Hungry on Thanksgiving Day.  While I wanted to run the race [ of course using the terms 'race' loosely as 27,000 people on a street tend to go rather slow] I was really hesitant.  Knowing that a) I hate crowds.  b) I had one day to sleep in over the Thanksgiving holidays c) My husband would not be with me. d) I was feeling the need to hibernate, eat myself stupid and sleep for weeks.  So I literally forced myself to do it. 
Not only that, I forced myself to do the 10K rather than just the 5K. 
( I'll add here that it still thrills me to death to say 'just a 5K') 

But it scared me.  Reviewing the race map, I realized there was a point I could easily turn off and do the 5k instead.  Would I wimp out at the last moment, make that turn and continue to a 5K and call it a go?  I didn't trust myself.  I did what any responsible athlete would do, I put my money behind it. 
A few days before, I bought myself a 10K Christmas ornament and a giant pink sparkly 10K sticker for my car.
Now I had to do it. I bought the proof that I had done it. 
But just in case, I asked my fellow groupies to make sure I didn't turn off and go the shortcut 5K.  I happened to pair off with my Half Marathon Relay partner and it was wonderful.  While I think she's much faster/stronger than I am, she stuck with me.  It was great to have someone stick with me. 

I was shocked to see how many of the locals came out on their porches, driveways and front lawns, fire pits, chairs, blankets, mimosas and pastries to watch and cheer us on.  That was fabulous and fun to watch.  It also made me jealous as hell to see them so comfortable. 

Overall it was fun. Would I do it again?  Oh, I suppose I would.  It's just the early mornings that kill me.  I'm not much of a morning person, so maybe I'll get lucky and  someone will come up with a race that starts at say 4 pm.  That would be nice. 
The biggest disappointment was that my Favorite 'post race restaurant' was closed for Thanksgiving, so no super fatty post race waffle for me.  But I survived. 

One: Solitary Sensation

I've always considered myself a social person, I can talk to nearly anyone, about nearly anything.  I used to enjoy the company of people...sometimes. More and more however,  running is not a time when I like people at my side.  I may like a person very much, even love them, want to spend time and energy with them, laugh with them, etc.  But I've learned while running, I prefer to be alone- I think. 

It's still a concept I'm 'playing' with, still experimenting, etc.  So I could be in a phase, or a place where people with me are not gonna do it for me.  I'm not sure.  I've learned a couple of things running with others vs. running alone. 

Running with others, I'm forced to consider someone else.  Don't get me wrong, I am generally very considerate when I can possibly be.  But in a sense, running is hard enough. It might be that I'm still new enough to it that I have a lot to think about, leg movement, arm placement, foot landing, breathing...all the things to consider when I run, someone right next to me I think might distract me too much. 

Running alone, I can disappear into my thoughts. All the random daydreams I have over time that are constantly interrupted by the bustle of everyday life. This is the time when I get the idea of how to organize the garage, reminder to get that book kiddo needs, the inspiration of that long awaited luxury bath can keep me going.

Running with others, I find that often times they want to talk.  Now I'll be the first to admit, when I run, breathing is hard.  I see people running all over, fast paced and continual and they are chatting up a storm.  No idea how they do it. It's quite possible this is a self conscious thing, that I fear my breathlessness will embarrass me as I try to chat, knowing I can only push out a few words when the pace picks up and I'm in the zone. 

Running alone, I am forced to talk to myself [preferably in a silent voice, but not always] forced to keep myself going, to tell myself to stop my whining and just do it. I admit there are more times than not on a super long, hard one, that I start talking to anyone I think can help me out...my late father, my late brother, asking for inspirations or a sign to help me keep going, to give me a boost, to run along with me. I've talked to God, asking for strength or a ya know...a la-z-boy recliner  with a large milkshake at the moment. I find actual talking helps me stay in the now, hearing my own voice is almost weird sometimes. I can't imagine what others might be thinking, as if I care.

Emotional reflections With a busy life, a job, a family, a household, bills to pay, a dog to feed, a house to clean, a mother to call and friends to visit, there are things that get pushed aside on nearly a daily basis. One major one is my emotions. Hurt, humor, anger, frustration, relief, sadness, elation, fury, excitement, devastation, peace, ugliness....it can all come out in a run. I won't hesitate for a minute to admit that I've both laughed and cried while on a run. I've cried out of sadness, elation, peace. I've felt fury beyond what I feel myself can even handle, pushing me to run farther and faster than I thought I could. I've felt elation, relief, excitement to the point where I want to run forever.

Running with others, I often am unsure about pacing.  If I forge ahead of someone, will they feel bad?  Should I feel bad?  If they forge ahead of me, while I'm perfectly okay with that, should I feel the pressure to catch up with them?  Go at my own pace? It gets confusing and distracting.  I generally have my own rule, we can do this together, but we don't need to stick together. 

Which is pretty much my ideal.  I love having someone out there with me, but not immediately right by my side. I honestly wouldn't even care if someone just sat in the stands and watched.  The connection to having someone there is huge for me, but as long as it's not in my 'runner space'  Too much pressure and distraction for me.  I don't know if that's normal or not.  Sure, come to the track, park, path with me, sure.  You go one pace, I'll go another.  I'll see you, give you a high five, cheer you on, and go back to my internal solitary sensation.   

 



 

Lance- Dope or Nope?

This morning I read about Lance Armstrong being stripped of his seven Tour De France wins. There's been so much speculation that he's a doper, that it's a witch hunt, that he's a fraud, that he has jealous haters out to get him, who the hell knows what to think?
What do I think?
It saddens me. All the way around, no matter if he's truly guilty of doping or not. It saddens me.
It's sad that there's truly no athlete that's safe from the 'temptation' of doping, or the possibility of being picked on, bullied by an organization or by haters.
Do I think he's truly innocent? Eh, my thoughts are wavering on this. If he was truly innocent of all charged, he'd be fighting like hell, and continue to work to clear his name. The anti-doping folks would have to continue to work to prove him dirty. Seems to me that if the sponsors are dropping like flies and he's been stripped of his titles, then yes, they obviously have something to go by.
But doping or not doping, does it really matter?
The man has still pulled the impossible from his ass and frankly, his abilities still impress me. Knowing what we know now, there's likely not a rider in any of the Tour De France races that's not been doped, at least a little. The bar has been raised. Regular abilities aint gonna do it anymore, riders know this, coaches know this. If you want to be seen as the top, you need to run with the top, and if the top is all about doping, that's what you do. I get it. Not to say I support it, that's a whole 'nother Oprah.
I recently bought " It's Not About the Bike" from a cheap used book store. I figured it might be a good read for any kind of motivation. Still haven't read it, but I'm waiting for it. Now that he's basically been banned from biking, Will I find it still motivating? I know I will. He wasn't born a doper, he wasn't born on a bike. He had to pursue biking, had to pursue the competition. That in itself takes guts, courage to step forward. It stakes discipline to get on the bike to begin with. Dope or nope, he still had to take that first step, every time. Dope is not going to get you out of bed in the morning. Dope is not going to get you off that couch. Dope is not going to make you want to do it, that comes from within.
 Plain and simple, the man is still an athlete. I have no doubt that the man showed some talent, dedication and drive before potentially doping.  At some point, he had to catch the attention.  He didn't start biking and doping at the same time, that much I'm sure.  I believe he got in with the dopers he knew,  it was a universal thing, he just happened to rise to the top of the game with more attention than the others and he was brought to light. 
Dope or nope, I still believe in him as an athlete. He still was there, he still did it. 

Finally....Now Can I Stop Whining?!

The fall weather has FINALLY decided to come to California!!  A week ago, give or take, we were dying of the heat during an evening run.  Sweating like farm animals, and wishing for a break. 
Yesterdays run was perfect.  Cool, cloudy and dry.  Love love loved it!

I could never get enough of the cool weather running, so I'm thrilled to death with this time of year, and have big plans~ I've just recently gotten the green light to register for the half marathon training through running school.  The session starts in January, so until then, I'm going to keep my mileage up and perhaps build up to 7 miles.  I worked my way up to 6.55 miles for the Urban Cow Half Marathon Relay, so to let my mileage slip now would be dumb.  As soon as I can, I'm also going to register for the Shamrock'n Half Marathon in March.  That, I'm excited for!

My boss just asked me " Do you still run in the rain?"  Of course!  I advised him that it's the best time of the year to run, rain or not.  " It also really minimizes the risk of sweating to death", of course giving him a chuckle.  As if I was kidding.  I could do without the darker evenings, the mud puddles and slippery conditions, but rain? Oh bring it.  I love the cool weather runs. 

The AfterGlow

October 7, 2012, I completed my longest race ever, 6.55 miles, in the Urban Cow Half Marathon Relay.  As with every race I've ever done, looking back, I think " Wow, what an experience" 

I purposely waited a week to write about it, because the race afterglow was so incredible, I was not convinced I'd be able to put two sentences together. ( Not to mention, every body- in fact body parts I didn't know I had-  hurt like hell for days)

While training, the longest run I had done was 6.00 miles in 2 hours.  This was stressful for me because I read somewhere that there was a 4 hour time limit.  I knew my partner would be able to do it in about 1.5 hrs or so, so I stressed on my timing.  A lot. 
So when our time of 3:07 was revealed, I was proud...so proud.  I had not heard what the exact split time was, meaning how much of that 3:07 was partner and how much of that was mine.  At one point it was confirmed my time was 1:43, which made me soar. More distance in less time that I ever trained for. 
But that's Race Day Adrenaline for you. 

I realized that my Race Day Adrenaline for me starts several days in advance.  I think this time it started on Thursday night.  Friday I felt like a hummingbird with too much caffeine.  It's a combination for excitement, nerves, adrenaline, fear, dread, wanting to get it over with, anxiousness, more excitement topped with more excitement.  I was more excited I think than anything. 
When the race occurs, it's almost a surreal experience.  I can vaguely remember only flashes of bits and pieces, yet I was extremely 'aware' during every minute of it. 

For days after the race, I crashed.  I was more sore than I think I had ever been, my fatigue level had caught up with me and then some.  I could not sleep or eat enough.  I wanted to wear my cow bell race medal around my neck showing people " look what I did!"  but I feared all 3 ounces of it would hurt too.  Essentially I took the week off from most, if not all exercise and rested.  It was a nice break, I feel well deserved.
Now?  The Race Day adrenaline is gone, and all I can think about is my next racing endeavour. 

So What Does A Runner Look Like Anyway?

I was asked to do a recruiting event for running school at a health fair.  Okay, I can do that.  As one who usually doesn't shut up about things I like, I'm the perfect candidate.  So here I am, partnered with a running school coach I'd not met before and we did our best to explain and sell the program.  To be honest, this program doesn't need much selling.  If people were to experience it once, chances are they'd really like it.  It's affordable, it's not terribly time consuming, it's non-competitive, it can work for everyone.  Literally. 
One individual stopped by the booth to ask a few questions.  He looked at me, then at my co-recruiter and said "well you actually LOOK like a runner"  She confirmed that yes, she was a runner. 
Then it occurred to me.  Was that a slight slam on me?  No, I guess it's true, I don't look like a runner, but I consider myself one.  I have three races under my belt, I know the proper form, I've been doing this for nine months, yeah, I'm a runner too!
To be honest, I wasn't offended at that ( well, maybe a little) but in reality, I get it.  I know what I look like.  While it's not easy to admit, I will say it:  I don't really look like a runner.  I'm still fat, I get that.  I still have a tummy, I get that too.  It's not like I can't see it for God's sake.  But wait a minute.  My legs. My calves.  If I do say so myself, my calves are damn impressive.  No, commentator at the table couldn't see my legs behind the table, fair enough.  From his perspective, no, I likely did not look like a runner.  Fair enough.  I know what I am, I know what I'm not, and God knows I do know what I look like. 
Part of me, {maybe the hopeful, delusions, show off part of me?} likes to think that's why I might be good in the position I am in right now.  A mentor to other beginning runners.  I'm no better than any of them, I'll be the first to say that.  But I'd like to think that somewhere, somehow, there's someone who would like to start a walk/run program, but will shy away for the reason I always did: being overweight, being old. 
When I first started running school, the orientation was enough to make me want to puke.  I was quite confident I'd be the oldest and fattest one there.  Guess what? I wasn't.  Seeing one individual who was larger than me, a few my size and my age or older gave me the confidence to actually start. 
So I did. 
Since then, sure, I've likely been the biggest there was in a running school session, but to be honest, I've kinda stopped noticing.  So what?  Does it matter?
Nope.  I'm not going to let a body image, mine or someone else's,  determine what I'm going to do out there.  Some days I will rock it.  Other days, I'll bomb.  Likely neither one has to do with my size, shape or age.  I am what I am right now and nothing in my running mindset is going to change that.
 

The Countdown Begins!

I'm less than a week away from the Urban Cow Half Marathon Relay. At this point, I'm as trained as I'm going to get. The mental side is needing work, as always, but overall, my attitude is "let's do this thing". I can't say whether I'm excited, nervous, or just wanting to get it over with. Time will tell, I suppose. At the track this morning, I noticed what people were wearing. As always, I'm big on people watching, even when I run. It gives me something to do. This morning, being the last day in September, it was still too hot, even at 8:30 a.m. I am dying of the heat, still. It seemed odd to me to see people wearing long pants, long sleeves and even jackets. Soooo, wait a minute. Am I having hot flashes? People, I'm wearing shorts and a tee, and I'm sweating like a farm animal out here. So what gives? I was tempted to ask one individual who was bundled up like it was a blizzard out, why he was wearing sweat pants, a long sleeve shirt and a hoodie, zipped up with his hood on. But I opted not to. I feared it would be some answer that only a super fit person would understand. I did overhear one telling another "oh it feels so good to sweat". Really? I'll admit at times, it feels great to workout. It feels good to get aggressions, frustrations and emotions out in exercise. Sweating is just part of that, sure. But to feel good to sweat? nu-uh. I hate being sweaty. The only time it feels good to sweat is when it's arctic conditions out, and the cool air acts as a fan on my damp skin. In the heat? Sweat feels like I'm being basted in the oven. To each his own, I know. I remember starting a running school session when it was over 100 degrees out, and a fellow mentor advised how good the heat felt. Heat? Feeling good? No way. Only on a beach in Mexico or my bed on a cold winter morning is when the heat feels good to me. Something I will never ever understand. I guess there could easily be a blog entry about me, running in January with only shorts and a tee on, not being bothered one bit by the cold. Others wore ear muffs, gloves, hats, pants and jackets. Nope, not for me. Bring on the cold, I say. So how long are we betting before I'm bitching about the cold and how my old bones just don't work in the cold like they used to!?

Reaching the Summit

As my BIG race approaches in a little more than two weeks, I am starting to relax. Last week up until a couple of days ago, I was in a head spinning, failure to breathe panic. Gone, it seemed were the well wishers and cheerleaders who always told me " you can totally do it" So I was left on my own to figure out my own mental stuff. Yikes! Exactly what I don't trust: myself. How stupid is that?! Out of all this, the books, the coaches, mentors, the friends, cheerleaders, supporters, me is the one thing I should trust the most. Apparently I'm still working on that concept. As strangely as it sounds, I almost feel I'm in a different place than I was a mere 48 hours ago. Perhaps my panic is my fuel, perhaps the incredibly realistic dreams of me running, my father and other 'fillers' is getting to my psyche. In any case, I'm at a serene calm and I cannot get enough of it. It's as though this Mount Everest of a challenge for me has already passed. As much as I love the serenity and confidence, I cannot help but wonder if this is the 'right' path. I'm still too new at this to really know what works for me in terms of new challenges. I started reading a book called "Finding Your Zone: Ten Core Lessons for Achieving Peak Performance in Sports and Life" Thus far, I'm loving it. While much of it doesn't exactly apply to me, I'm taking out of it what I need to help the mental side of the game. I'm also working on my cadence. I hate cadence, it confuses and scares me. While in running school on Tuesday, I almost died when a coach 'metronomed me' .omg. Never had that happen before. Running next to me holding an i-phone beeping at me at a pace that sounded like the heartbeat of a hummingbird. 180BPM. You mean I have to run in rhythm to all that beeping? Oh hell no. Too fast. Can't breath. Feet are like lightning, no no no. Three words that made it all better "Shorten your stride" Okay. Ohhh!!! Baby steps! I like it!! I did find that I was able to run more, keep my stride with that horrid beeping I could not get out of my head {maybe that was a good thing?} I was amazed. With shorter strides, I WAS able to do more it seemed, for longer and I was in less pain, and could breathe easier. In essence, by simply shorter faster strides, I was putting out less energy. I love it! So now I have a new found boost, confidence and seemingly a new 'way' to run. I'm excited now!

Now I've done it.

At the end of this session of 'running school' is a half marathon/5k.  I signed up for the 5k, thinking piece of cake, I got that. No, of course I wouldn't have an impressive time, nor be able to run the entire thing, but hey, one more run under my belt, one more bib to hang on my pride wall, right? 

So how in God's name did I end up signed up for the Half Marathon Relay?  Are you kidding me?

We seem to be having an issue with peer pressure here in my world.
  
At home, I deal with my ten year old being teased because she's a good student, kind and sweet.  For this she's picked on.  Of course she is, jealous hating adults start that way as kids, right?  I've been telling her that their words do not matter one bit.  She knows what she is, she knows what she wants to be and be like, she knows what she can expect of herself.  Forget those hurtful words, kiddo.  Ignore the haters, you are just fine the way you are.  Perfect in fact.  I always fear the day when peer pressure will make her start to act stupid and do moronic acts that will lead her to trouble.  Peer Pressure is what can lead to trouble, right?
Right. 
On the other side of the social media platform, I find a request for a half marathon relay partner.  I reply to my friend 'gosh I wish I was ready' and it all went spinning out of control from there.  I don't even know what happened and here I am, committed to a half marathon relay. I'm pretty sure I was breathing throughout the conversation on Facebook, yet whether I had full consciousness I don't recall.   I listened to their words of encouragement ' you can do it'  and ' you got this' and whatnot and I liked it.  I followed their words to the keyboard to respond " I'm in" and just like that, I'm committed. 

What the hell??

Peer Pressure, all the way. 
I'd never do it had it not been for the peeps pushing me to test my limits, stretch the boundaries of my own comfort, and push myself harder than ever before.  I've got to be out of my ever loving mind.  I've got 32 days to increase my mileage to 6.55 miles from the max of 4.0 that I've ever done.  I think I'm going to be sick now. 

But I'll admit a small part of me loves it.  These people, these outsiders who might have a good idea about me, but truly can't see the real internal stuff I'm about simply tell me to go for it.  Whether or not they believe it, they tell me I can do it.  I will work it, I will train and do what I can.  I can't miss work to train, I have to sleep, I have to be a parent and a wife, but somehow by the grace of God, I will do this. 

It's so odd to me how 12 hours ago, I was telling kiddo just the opposite of what I'm doing.  I told her to forget the words of others, they don't matter.  I told her the only person's opinion you need to be concerned about is your own.  I told her other people were so often jealous and hating things, and taking it out of the good people. 
My God, I was wrong...so very wrong.  Was I? 
Had I taken my own advice, I'd never have glanced twice at the words of those telling me I can do it.  I never would have even read them.  Their words don't matter.  Oh the hell they don't.  My running and/or fitness people's words are my bible.  Seriously. 
 The only person's opinion you need to be concerned about is your own.   Well if that was the case, I'd never have gotten off the damn couch.  Fat chicks don't run.  I'm too fat to run, I'm too old. I look dumb when I run, I can't run.  Yeah okay, that little gem of advice is wrong.  Very wrong.  When it comes to me, my abilities, my strength, my skills, my own 'stuff' I'm likely the last person I should listen to. 
 Other people were so often jealous and hating things, and taking it out of the good people. 
  Oh Lord, not even close.  In this case, these runner buds are doing nothing but wanting to build me up.  Jealous of me? Not for a minute.  For some God known reason, it's like things like jealousy, competition and stupid ugliness doesn't exist in the runners world.  Does it?

Nope. 
It's times like this I love being an adult. 

  

The New Temptation

In the course of my running adventures, I hit a wall.  Not knowing what my next 'action' should be to focus on, to concentrate on increasing mileage, time, weight loss, cross training...where to go from where I was was the question on my mind.  I decided to focus on weight loss and getting back to a fitness level I was once at.  Since a May vacation in Utah, the land of food, or so it seemed, I had kinda fallen off the wayside.  I had figured my muscle, fitness, metabolism and strength level were enough that I could kick back for a bit and not do serious damage to the weight loss. 
I was so very wrong.  I gained 20 pounds from May to August.  Stupid stupid Stupid. 

So my main focus was not on running itself, but calorie burning, weight loss and rebuilding my muscle and fitness strength.  Ive been 'running' with that in mind since and not stressing over times, mileage or anything of that nature but focusing more on calorie burn and times of cardio per week. 
Then a new temptation hits, a half marathon. 

The coach of running school ran in the Disneyland Half Marathon and boy did it look like fun.  Dressed in Disney Gear, running around Disneyland for 13.1 miles and then ending up with a medal.  Immediately it inspired me to think about training for a half marathon. 

On Facebook, a complete loser of a ton of weight, someone who's inspired me to no end started a group on running 5k's and up to a half marathon.  There it is again....coming into my face as though it's a sign.  Now its in my mind to wonder about training for a half marathon.  Could I do it?  This is the time, the weather is cooler, summer is over and things are on routine again.  I've decided that September 1st through about June1st is going to become my official 'running season', the season that's so weather agreeable to me, schedules are pretty well set, vacations are at a minimum and running is a lot more possible. 

At times the thought of it exhausts me to no end.  Other times, it excites me, knowing I could get one of those 13.1 stickers on my car, in my office, in my bathroom, tattooed on my hiney....just as proof I did it.

So do I do it? No idea.  I guess this will be one of those things that if it's meant to be it will somehow just happen. 

Knowledgeable and Experienced. Me? Really?

  Once up on a time, when I first started running, I had calf pain so debilitating, it often threatened even my ability to walk, let along run.  Coaches and mentors advised additional liquids, electrolytes, stretching, trigger point....I did it all.  Nothing would stop the calves from burning, becoming solid bricks of painful mass.  Nothing advised eased it at all.  At one point, I had gotten to the track early and I decided I'd take advantage of the time and head out early to burn extra calories.  I started walking, likely because I was feeling lazy at the time, but I walked likely 2 rounds, stretched and then started the running when the session started.

Miraculously, my calves didn't hurt at all. Sure, they were a bit tight, but I was able to complete the assigned run without stopping in agony, stretching on a tree or wanting to cry and curl into a ball. 

So I found my answer to the biggest issue I was having.  Warm up, stretching before a walk/run and going with it.  In the new group I'm in, I noticed many having the same issue.  Tight calves threatening an early end to a running session.  Faces of agony and fear in front of me, I so feel their pain.  I was shocked when no one suggested a warm up and additional stretching before a run.  Then I remembered, no one had shared that 'secret' with me either, I had figured it out for myself- because it's what worked for ME.  Oh okay. 

Last night I did an experiment, which was likely kinda stupid, because I do know better.  I ran without warming up or stretching and sure enough, I could barely walk to the end of the track. OK, theory confirmed.  Duh.   I wanted to die.  I knew I was plenty hydrated, my nutrition was pretty decent, so it confirmed it for me. Again, duh.  Warm up walking and stretching is absolutely crucial for me before a run. 
I shared this little pain covered experiment with the coaches last night and it almost seemed they were skeptical. Again, I have to remind myself that every single body is going to be different, going to react a different way and that my 'solution' may not be a solution for someone else, but might add to an entirely different problem.  But it was mentioned to the group and for the first time, I feel like perhaps my words & experience might have helped someone in the world of running. 

Things like that still amaze me, to be honest.  Me?  Giving advice on running?  How exactly did that happen again?  Part of my twisted mind is 'oh I'm fat, obviously the new skinny runners would know better than I would' .  I hate when I think like a moron. 
Knowledge and experience is still knowledge and experience.  Should it come from a fatty, an elderly, a nun or a criminal, if it's potentially helpful to someone, then who cares where it comes from?  One of these days I'll get that through my thick skull. 

I do have the knowledge.  No, not all of it, I don't even want it all.  I do have the experience.  Not much of an expert, but I've done it.  A lot of it.  Just over 8 months, at least twice a week and I've done it.  Been there, done that.  Right?  To some brand new runner, they likely woudl view me as experienced and having at least some knowledge, but yet it's still hard for me to 'believe' or remember that myself at time.  So apparently some of my cross training needs to include mental work. Not a bad idea, actally. 

The Voice Within

For years now, I've been watching an elderly gentleman do what appears to be a daily trek to the nearby McDonald's pick up some breakfast and head back home.  I'd say he's walking, but I'm not sure what he does is actual walking.  More like an 'older guys shuffle'.  I've watched him for years, and it makes my heart smile that at his advanced age ( I'm going to guess 80 years plus) he still does it.   Over the years his shuffle hasn't changed much, but I know he's aged, that's inevitable.  Some days, in the cool weather, it almost looks downright painful for him to be out, but he has a bag of breakfast in his hand and he shuffles along anyway.  I always imagine he's got an elderly wife at home and he brings her breakfast every morning. 
Last week towards the end of my morning bike ride, I passed him. This was the closest I'd ever gotten to him and I slowed to say " good morning, sir".  He paused, turned and smiled at me with a surprisingly loud and strong voice to say " good morning" back.  It shocked me, to be honest.  I never would have imagined his voice to be that strong and loud, given his age. 

The lesson I learned that day should have been well ingrained in my mind, but it wasn't.  No matter what condition our bodies are in, it's no match for what might be going on inside.  Our hearts, our minds and our inner beings can be oh so different that what the world sees. 

Does your inside match your outside?  What's your voice within say to you?

So uh, What's Your Excuse Again?

Yesterday I did a short speech on the 'running school'  I've been in since January at a launch for a group of state workers potentially starting up their own walk/run program.  Basically I told my story, then hung around for questions.  Despite my dear and loathing of public speaking, I felt I did really well and made at least some impact.  It was actually a great experience. 

A woman came up and talked to us about the times of the sessions and kinda hummed and hawed over it.  Her issue was the timing.  After working all day for the state, she then went to a second job, and then home to her children.  The timing of our program would not work for her, but she was okay with that.  " For now, I still move.  I basically don't sit down much, unless I'm eating" She seems to have found a way to do most of her tasks standing up or moving.  She walked as often as she could, her lunch hour and other breaks and basically did whatever she could.  It was impressive.  Even Ms. Athletic I was presenting with had a jaw drop when this woman reported she usually averaged 17,000 steps a day.  " On a good day, I can get up to 25,000 steps."  Wow. 

To be honest, I don't know how that measures.  But I had read only hours before hearing that, that the America Heart Association recommends taking on a goal of walking 10,000 steps a day for increased health and possible weight loss.  Working two jobs and taking care of her kids, this woman, whose name I never got, was doing so much more than that. 

It just goes to show.  Those who can, will.  Those with the will, can. 

We all have a million excuses not to workout, not to do what we should.  Lord knows I do.  Some of them I'm rather proud of!  In reality, of course life does get in the way, schedules change, things come up.  It happens.   Often times there's an opportunity to get creative with the obstacles that stand in the way, but it takes some determination and some creativity.  If the determination to do a workout is there, find a way.  Think of what the ultimate goal is, whether it be to simply burn calories for the day, increase mileage or cross train and ask yourself what tools you have to do just that.  Improvise.  Make it work. 

Those who can, will.  Those with the will, can. 

Determining the Finish Line

When running any distance, whether it be one mile or 5, what we count on is the finish line.  Even if there's no 'official' finish line and it's just a certain spot on a track or path to indicate the end, it's important.  Everything, I'm learning needs a finish line.  Even life has it's own finish line. 

The finish line is so much like a goal for me.  A place to get to, a destination to reach.  In more than a few ways, my goals have become my finish lines. I'm forever asking myself, what's the next finish line?  To date, I have no clue.  You have no idea how frustrating and scary that is.  I feel like I'm wandering around in the dark feeling my way around, stumbling on things I can't even see. 

It's occurred to me that my current mindset is not in the best place to be starting a blog,  call that bad timing on my part.  But I s'pose it happens to the best of us.  It's a minor funk/rut that I'm slowly crawling out of and trying to determine what the next finish line will be for me.  Do I increase mileage? Do I increase speed?  Do I increase stamina?  Do I focus on cross training?  Do I focus on weight loss?   It's interesting that I seemingly have NO clue even how to decide. 

But one thing I am certain of, I need to get outta this funk/rut, whatever you wanna call it.  Now.  I realized this funk is the product of my own behavior, my own aimless wandering.  I don't know where I'm going, so I'll just kinda sit here on this large colorful mushroom until I figure it out, meanwhile reversing the results I've worked so hard for.  Blech.  I didn't know I was doing that, didn't intend to, but I did. I may as well have been in Wonderland with Alice. 

 So with one foot in front of the other, I'm just going to move.  Right now I'm working on the mindset as well as getting back on a track.  I don't know if it's the right track to the finish line I'll eventually decide on, but I'm moving in the right direction, that much I know.  Starting with eating better, and getting to the gym as often as possible. 

In the meantime, I'm figuring out the next finish line I want.  Weight loss goal, running improvement goal....no idea what it will be yet and I'm not going to push it.  I've got time.  As long as I keep moving and keep going, I've got this. 

The Progressive

While I still consider myself a beginner at this runner thing, I know all too well a marathon is beyond out of reach for me right now.  Duh. 
But when I read about The San Francisco Progressive Marathon, I was so excited I almost wet myself.  A progressive marathon is an event you run a total of 26.2 miles.  23.1 miles is done on your own, any time leading up to the event, whether it be in a week or a month.  The last 3.1 (5k) is done on marathon day.  I signed up immediately, knowing San Francisco is THE place to in the summer.  Cool weather, enough said.  I advised my running buddies of the event and had one sign up with me. 

Planning this was easy, of course.  Carrying out said plans not so much.  Trying to fit in vacations and family time and running always easier said than done.  A week before the event, we were scheduled to be in the mountains.  No running there, I knew that.  High altitude running is not for me yet.  Due to the impossible heat of Sacramento in July, my running was patchy at best.  Not so great, but it was at least attempted. I knew I could still pull off a 5k in San Francisco- a city brimming with my own personal familiarity and history, a place near and dear to my heart for a multitude of reasons.  Namely that my dad was born & raised there and is now laid to rest nearby.  'Frisco is truly 'his' city and now that he's gone, it means even more to me.   
So as the date drew near, not only was my training out of whack, but the vacation eating set in as well.  Cool.  Then my running buddy backed out.  Even cooler still.  I was alone.  The fear in me rose to a high.  I had never done a run alone.  Okay, forging on. 
The morning of the event, I woke in plenty of time, despite not sleeping much at all.  I got things together, had planned to get there plenty early, eating a little something, hydrating and warming up.  Didn't happen.  It took us over an hour to find parking that didn't have the price of $50 for the day.  No kidding. San Francisco parking is no joke.  Or maybe it is, or at least should be.  As we parked, I was pretty sure my husband was ready to start drinking heavily and I wanted to beat someone to a pulp.   The stress of parking and timing left me literally running to the start line while slamming a Gu gel for breakfast.  Alrighty then. 

I had my worst time ever, but you know, I don't care.  I was there.  I did it.  I was so inspired by the view and the fact that my dad was nearby made it all worth it.  I slowed to take pictures, I chatted with other runners, I did what I needed to to enjoy it.  I thanked the biker dude volunteers as I ran by, I gave them high fives, super glad I didn't spill their coffee and the best part?  I got my medal. 

I grew up in a family with a few swimmers.  They always got medals.  I never had a medal in my life before I started running.  The two I've gotten are simply for participating, but they mean the world to me.  I earned them simply by being brave enough to do it.  That's no small task for me. 

While leaving San Francisco, I looked at my frazzled husband and mentioned "next year it will be easier, since we know what to expect"  I think he really wanted to throw rocks at me.

The Ultimate Challenge

Tonight I am going to be running in weather that is supposed to hit 105 degrees.  I honestly can't say I'm excited for this, but in a small kinda screwed up way, I kinda am.  I am the worlds biggest whiner, crybaby and I'm full of excuses.  When I'm faced with a task that seems so hard, so nasty and just downright nasty, I look for ways to avoid it.  In this case, I almost have no way to avoid it.  As a red shirt mentor, I've agreed to do this.  I can't back out without feeling really horrible about myself.   It's not worth it to miss, the price is much to great. 
Now I just look for ways to do it.  To make it easier, less painfully hot, and look forward to the afterglow, when I can look back and say ' omg. I did it.'  and I can feel the glow of pride in knowing how hard it was, but I did my thing anyway. 

What I'm struggling with more and more is my eating.  I can't seem to get 'back' to where I was back in the spring.  It's like I've gotten so far off track, I can't even find the damn track anymore.  This scares me to pieces.  I know I've gained roughly 20 lbs, but to be honest I've not been on a scale consistently enough to even know that.  The last I checked it was I think 11 pounds up.  My clothes still fit, some are snug, but they were anyway, with me constantly getting into new sizes and whatnot.  Nothing fits like it used to, one way or another.  So the clothing sizing is a difficult thing to measure. 
I wish I could tell myself that I'm excercising enough to make up the difference in what I'm eating.  Nope.  Can't even say that.  Bummer. 

 

It's Always Something...or not.

Yesterday's 'running school' as I like to call it was only the 3rd time meeting.  So the enthusiasm and excitement should still be there, but for me, not so much.  Over the weekend while camping, I caught a horrendous virus-flu-cold that is still lingering.  While it's gotten much better over the last 3 days, it's still there.  Coughing, congestion, and more snot than I care to see-ever. 
Like I always do, I went to Running School.  Now that I've been graduated to the red shirt mentor status, I can't miss.  I just can't.  It's truly not that I think that I'm all that important, popular or needed, Lord knows I'm likely not.  But it keeps me going, knowing that I've been 'promoted' from blue shirt to red shirt.  Not everyone does.  I was asked to step up as a mentor, the sessions are no-cost for me, so I don't miss if I possibly can.  It keeps me going thinking that I'm one of the 'few' and that I'm needed. 
I did my usual warm up, which is to say I shook my body awake after sitting at a desk for 8 hours.  But "warm up" hardly seems fair to say.  My body was already warm enough.  It was 98 degrees outside for God's sake.  I hate the heat.  I will say that repeatedly until it gets cooler.  I hate the heat. 

Warming up, I knew immediately, "Houston, we have a problem". Despite the plethora of cold, cough and allergy medicines I had take throughout the day ( oh yes, allergies are in the house as well) the coughing started.  Having a coughing fit next to some football players in practice stretches was totally cool.  I can only imagine how amazing I looked, there in my red mentoring shirt, sweating like a farm animal, and coughing up lungs.   

OH and let's not forget the hair! Not long ago, I decided it was time for side swept bangs. Since then, it's been a battle while I run to keep them out of my face. I ended up with a bright pink shiny/shimmery headband to hold it all back.  While it doesn't match any clothing I have, I'm thinking it does nicely compliment my bright pink face when I run.  Mission accomplished.  I look awesome. 

So between the heat, the cold, the coughing, the allergies, the ugly sweat and hair thing I had going on, I ran anyway.  I was really glad it was only 1.25 miles for the day ( that still cracks me up and tickles me to say 'only 1.25 miles) and I did it.  I walked a lot of it, hacked a few times, but it was done.  I knew I'd not regret it, but just starting that first step is always the hardest.  Will it ever get easier?!

I'm learning it's always something.  It's the weather, it's my shorts that I don't like, I'm wearing the wrong socks, it's the stupid song on my Mp3, it's the guy in the park who looked at me, my shirt rubs me the wrong way, I didn't sleep well last night, I had a headache earlier, my friends neighbors dog died,  my hair looks dumb, I'm hungry, my husband pissed me off, my sister is stressed out and might need to call, my boss is out of town, I ate cheese puffs for lunch.  It's always something.  Or at least it can be.  Perhaps knowing there's always something to deter, prevent, or not exactly support my running, my mind set or motivation is the first step to saying 'screw it' and doing it anyway.  Easier said than done. 

If I go and prepare for the worst, that everything will annoy me, it will be uncomfortable and not so pleasant, perhaps I will surprise myself and actually get past the 'thing' that could always stand in my way.  Huh.  An interesting concept, at least. 

I have just over one million excuses not to do it.  Now I need to work on the excuses to do it. 

Welcome!

Alrighty then.  Lets see how this goes. A blog about big running. 

To be clear, 'big running' does not indicate mileage.  It indicates big body size.  This blog is designed to allure bigger folks into the world of running and advise them it IS possible to run even if you are not a size 2 or 20 years old.  I am neither, in fact far from it.  But that's how I know it's possible. 

Right now I weigh 220 lbs and I'm 39.  I have been walk/running for the past 8 months and am volunteering as a running mentor for new runners.  For the record, this still shocks me.  That someone would be looking to me for running motivation/inspiration, looking to me as a running mentor.  Me?  The chick who loves her couch?  Me?  The chick who still can't walk into a room without thinking "yep, fattest one in here" Me?  The one who's driven away from the gym without going in because others might notice I'm fat?  Yeah, that's me in all my mental nonsense.  I started out by faking it, and now I'm making it. 

This all started back in August 2011, after I completed a challenge at my gym and lost weight ( I started at 277 lbs by the way).  I felt amazing that I could do anything.  Running seemed the hardest thing in the world, so I tried it.  And I kept going. 
I'm not an ace, expert, doctor, coach, nutritionist, therapist, nor anything special, spectacular.  When it comes to running, I'm super slow.  But I'm still lapping those still on the couch.  I'm good with that.  I sitll consider myself a beginner, I still can't run a full mile without stopping to walk.  I'm good with that.  I've come a long way, baby. 

I recently completed my 3rd 5k 'race', which was the San Francisco Progressive Marathon.  A marathon you do in stages.  23.1 miles built up before the race, then 3.1 miles on the day of the marathon/5k.  This may be the closest I'll ever get to an actual marathon and again, I'm good with that.  For now. 

My next real goal is to run one full mile without stopping.  Ive gotten up to .6, so I'm well on my way.  While the challenge and excitement of running still scares the pants off of me, it also thrills me as to what my body might be able to do.  It still amazes me somedays.