I've always considered myself a social person, I can talk to nearly anyone, about nearly anything. I used to enjoy the company of people...sometimes. More and more however, running is not a time when I like people at my side. I may like a person very much, even love them, want to spend time and energy with them, laugh with them, etc. But I've learned while running, I prefer to be alone- I think.
It's still a concept I'm 'playing' with, still experimenting, etc. So I could be in a phase, or a place where people with me are not gonna do it for me. I'm not sure. I've learned a couple of things running with others vs. running alone.
Running with others, I'm forced to consider someone else. Don't get me wrong, I am generally very considerate when I can possibly be. But in a sense, running is hard enough. It might be that I'm still new enough to it that I have a lot to think about, leg movement, arm placement, foot landing, breathing...all the things to consider when I run, someone right next to me I think might distract me too much.
Running alone, I can disappear into my thoughts. All the random daydreams I have over time that are constantly interrupted by the bustle of everyday life. This is the time when I get the idea of how to organize the garage, reminder to get that book kiddo needs, the inspiration of that long awaited luxury bath can keep me going.
Running with others, I find that often times they want to talk. Now I'll be the first to admit, when I run, breathing is hard. I see people running all over, fast paced and continual and they are chatting up a storm. No idea how they do it. It's quite possible this is a self conscious thing, that I fear my breathlessness will embarrass me as I try to chat, knowing I can only push out a few words when the pace picks up and I'm in the zone.
Running alone, I am forced to talk to myself [preferably in a silent voice, but not always] forced to keep myself going, to tell myself to stop my whining and just do it. I admit there are more times than not on a super long, hard one, that I start talking to anyone I think can help me out...my late father, my late brother, asking for inspirations or a sign to help me keep going, to give me a boost, to run along with me. I've talked to God, asking for strength or a ya know...a la-z-boy recliner with a large milkshake at the moment. I find actual talking helps me stay in the now, hearing my own voice is almost weird sometimes. I can't imagine what others might be thinking, as if I care.
Emotional reflections With a busy life, a job, a family, a household, bills to pay, a dog to feed, a house to clean, a mother to call and friends to visit, there are things that get pushed aside on nearly a daily basis. One major one is my emotions. Hurt, humor, anger, frustration, relief, sadness, elation, fury, excitement, devastation, peace, ugliness....it can all come out in a run. I won't hesitate for a minute to admit that I've both laughed and cried while on a run. I've cried out of sadness, elation, peace. I've felt fury beyond what I feel myself can even handle, pushing me to run farther and faster than I thought I could. I've felt elation, relief, excitement to the point where I want to run forever.
Running with others, I often am unsure about pacing. If I forge ahead of someone, will they feel bad? Should I feel bad? If they forge ahead of me, while I'm perfectly okay with that, should I feel the pressure to catch up with them? Go at my own pace? It gets confusing and distracting. I generally have my own rule, we can do this together, but we don't need to stick together.
Which is pretty much my ideal. I love having someone out there with me, but not immediately right by my side. I honestly wouldn't even care if someone just sat in the stands and watched. The connection to having someone there is huge for me, but as long as it's not in my 'runner space' Too much pressure and distraction for me. I don't know if that's normal or not. Sure, come to the track, park, path with me, sure. You go one pace, I'll go another. I'll see you, give you a high five, cheer you on, and go back to my internal solitary sensation.
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