Saturday I had my longest run ever. 8.2 miles. As prepared as I was not, I did it anyway. Little did I know this would be a run most memorable for the worst reasons. As soon as I got to the meeting spot for a 7 am run, my gastro-intestal organs started arguing. By the time the run actually started, it launched on a full on war. So very very uncool.
I recalled my thought process on a day like to day. It went something like this:
Oh, that doesn't sound good. Was that MY stomach? Uh oh. Uhh...did I eat something I shouldn't have before a run last night? Well of course I did. Don't I always? Yup. That's me. Dumbass.
So wait, why am I doing this again? This is effin' hard. I'm tired. I slept well, but damn this is hard. I don't wanna do this anymore. I don't. I'm done. I could turn around right now and...oh damn, I'm going to need that bathroom stop. How far away? omigod. I've only gone a half mile? Another mile to the bathroom. OK, speed it up to get there quicker. omigod! No. Extra fast juggling of innards is NOT going to help. I could be in real trouble here. So OK, why am I doing this? It's too hard. I don't wanna. It's not like it helps anything. Ok, plenty of bushes I could jump behind for relief, but I have no tissue. Not going to work. So, what makes me do this? I feel worse because everyone always passes me, I'm too slow. Not helping my esteem. I'm going to talk to Coach Cutie. I'll ask her why I'm doing this. Oh whatever. If I don't know she sure as hell isn't going to know. omigod. Bathroom. Now.
I finally did reach the bathroom, after the ever important struggle of do I go extra fast and juggle things around or just go slow? I made the ever important realization that I do not have the skill of clenching and running. Nope. I wonder if they'll teach that? That was a bad bad experience.
OK, much much better. Now I'll be able to catch up. Whew. That was a close one. God, what would I have done if.....no. don't even go there. Okay, time for a Gu! Vanilla Gu. Huh, not bad, but kinda... Yick. Nah. I'll stick with the chocolate. It might look like pooh, but it tastes like frosting.
God, this is hard. Why am I doing this? What did that last blog post say? Because it's hard? What the hell did I mean? I don't even understand that. Forget it. That's not it.
So what if I quit? What if I DIDN'T do the race? No biggie. Would people judge? How would that feel? Oh hell, you and I both know I'd never forgive myself. Wait, you and I? Who the hell else is in here? Uh oh. Oh I'm crazy now. It must be the fatigue. I'd better stop and lie down now. No, that's embarrassing. Omigod. Only one more mile until turn around. hell yes! Omigod. Bathroom. Now.
Okay, only three more miles until I'm done. God, I'm tired. Where is that G*& D*&^ porta potty?That homeless guy on a bike. I wonder if I offered him a twenty if he'd give me his bike. Riding would be easier and faster at this point. Damn, no cash on me. Okay mental note to carry cash for emergency bike purchases. yes. That's a good idea. Omigod. Bathroom. Now.
How do these skinny little high school boys make this look so easy? Oh yeah, they are like what, 14? Yeah. Okay.
I will say that seeing the bathroom/porta potties on this particular run was like seeing Mecca. Beautiful. I've never ever been so incredibly glad to see a smelly, plastic box containing so much gross.
But I did it. And my clothing stayed clean, I did not humiliate myself on the bike trail. I didn't even puke!! Woo hoo!!! By far the biggest success yet. I did it. I did it. I did it.
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