Me, the Mental Moron?

It's times like this when I really do question my own sanity, thoughts, and outlooks on all this running jazz. 
Coach Cutie, asked how everyone felt on the last 7 miler.  No one really said much, but one piped up with a groan.  I didn't hear all of what was said, but it sounded like it was miserable for her. I think I heard the world horrible. 
Seriously?   From my point of view, it looked like she had been running for years.  How could it be horrible?  Why would it be hard?  She's in shape! She's got amazing legs!

This is where my thinking is so skewed.  Of course it's hard for her.  What, like it's only hard for me?  Oh, so it's harder for me because I'm old and fat?  Oh yeah, that's it.  Moron!
How and why do I STILL think like this? 
Sometimes, if I could, I'd like to smack myself upside the head. 

I suppose, after some thought that it does come down to low self esteem?  Maybe I don't truly see myself as a runner because I've still got a lot of weight on me?  This is actually a hard call for me, because I do tend to feel really amazing about myself for what I've accomplished.  I've long accepted that I'm still 'new' at this, I'm not fast, I'm not mighty....and I'm okay with that! So then why do I constantly pull myself down like I do?  I may never know the answer. 

It's not that everyone else makes it look easy, in my mind, I know it's hard for everyone.  If it were easy, everyone would do it.   I guess I figure I struggle more than anyone else, because at times I kinda do think I'm an inherently lazy person, playing dress up as a runner.  I don't know what exactly it will take to get my mind caught up with the game...perhaps time will tell. 

Here's to hoping.