It seems to be happening more and more. I'm sincerely touched by a runner.
I'm terribly lucky to live in a city of Rivers and winding, long bike trails and levees to run on. These bike trails are also used by walkers, runners, children taking a picnic and swimmers, looking for the next swimming access. It's these paths that I've spent a majority of my time training on this session and it's opened my eyes to a side of running I never really knew before.
This past Saturday was a perfect example. As I trudged along, I'm sure looking at least a tiny bit pathetic, I lost count how many runners ran past me and gave me a comment to boost:
" You look great"
" Atta girl, don't stop"
" You are doin' it!"
" Way to go, young lady"
" Good job"
" Excellent form!"
" That was a great transition"
" Keep going, you are awesome"
All words from people I don't know. It absolutely astounds me.
Never before have I encountered this kind of support from strangers. Lord knows why. Maybe I was the introvert? Being a big chick, I never wanted that kind of attention on me, so I introverted? Who knows. In any case, I both love it and want to crawl in a hole when I hear it.
It does honestly make me feel good to hear the kindness. Absolutely. Yet on the same note, I don't like the attention on me, so it also makes me want to disappear. I guess if I had my choice, I'd simply stay invisible while I run. But then to miss those comments that are so kind...
In the world today, it seems everything is getting nasty. Jobs are scarce, money is tight, abundance is hard to find, the stress and pressure people are feeling and facing is making it an ugly ugly world. Stress and pressure, unhappiness do not make for the nicest of humans, no?
So to get this little gem, even if it were once a month on a run, would still be worth it. When a runner is out there running, it doesn't matter to him/her if the person they are passing wears thrift store vs. designer, single vs. divorced, in debt vs.rich, a chocolate addict vs. afraid of caffeine.
It's as if nothing else matters and the only thing you get respect for is what you are doing: running.
Runners know how hard it is. Whether they are 16 years old or have been in 860 marathons, they know. Even if it's no longer terribly hard for them, they know when it's hard for someone to push on. The fact that people push through the hard seems to give instant respect and gratitude simply for doing what they choose to do.
What a beautiful thing this is.
Monday, February 25, 2013
The Educated Runner
When I first started my program back in January 2012, I dubbed it 'running school' in order to simplify the training program description to others who didnt really know or care to know what it was. Indeed, I did consider it 'school' as I was 'learning' how to run. Never before had I known there was a proper 'way' to run. Fast forward more than a year later and I'm still learning. While training for the half marathon, it seems that every single run I'm experiencing something new to figure out.
This week I learned about the dreaded Garmin Battery fail. I could throw things at myself for being dumb. I failed to even check the battery level of my beloved Garmin and it died 2 miles before finishing. damndamndamn. Oh well.
One week it was the bitter cold, one week it was a gastro-intestinal war, one week is was extreme hunger, dead batteries, sand in the shoes, more fuel needed, skipped bathroom opportunities...my God, it never ever ends, does it!?
But overall, it's a bit exciting. With more experience and more knowledge, the more I delve into the world of runners, the more I learn. There's still a lot to experience, there's still a lot to see, learn and do.
I've been reading so much on running lately and while some of it's just auto-biographies, useful, practical tips, some of it is just...mind blowing. In Born To Run, there's a section on UltraRunning, a 100 mile race. My God. 100 miles? And all the while, I'm terribly impressed with my 9 miles thus far. 'Oy.
I'm loving The Rules of Running while it's a bit on the comedy side, it's actually got some good tips, likely that which won't be seen in the likes of " Runners World" Discussions of farting, blowing snot rockets, and the like. The real stuff. It's a fun read thus far with some excellent suggestions.
Between the experience, the coaching, the upped mileage, the peeps, the books on sports psychology, practical tips, autobiographies of 'been there, done that' and more, I love learning about the sport. As someone who loved college, school in general and a self professed book nerd, this is one more arena of learning I'm loving.
This week I learned about the dreaded Garmin Battery fail. I could throw things at myself for being dumb. I failed to even check the battery level of my beloved Garmin and it died 2 miles before finishing. damndamndamn. Oh well.
One week it was the bitter cold, one week it was a gastro-intestinal war, one week is was extreme hunger, dead batteries, sand in the shoes, more fuel needed, skipped bathroom opportunities...my God, it never ever ends, does it!?
But overall, it's a bit exciting. With more experience and more knowledge, the more I delve into the world of runners, the more I learn. There's still a lot to experience, there's still a lot to see, learn and do.
I've been reading so much on running lately and while some of it's just auto-biographies, useful, practical tips, some of it is just...mind blowing. In Born To Run, there's a section on UltraRunning, a 100 mile race. My God. 100 miles? And all the while, I'm terribly impressed with my 9 miles thus far. 'Oy.
I'm loving The Rules of Running while it's a bit on the comedy side, it's actually got some good tips, likely that which won't be seen in the likes of " Runners World" Discussions of farting, blowing snot rockets, and the like. The real stuff. It's a fun read thus far with some excellent suggestions.
Between the experience, the coaching, the upped mileage, the peeps, the books on sports psychology, practical tips, autobiographies of 'been there, done that' and more, I love learning about the sport. As someone who loved college, school in general and a self professed book nerd, this is one more arena of learning I'm loving.
Thursday, February 21, 2013
It's All Relative.
I started reading " Born To Run", thus far about the Tarahumara people and their amazing running abilities. I read a part about a super human 100 mile run, where the aid stations/bathrooms were about every 15 miles.
Wait. About ever 15 MILES? omigod.
I had to read that over about four times for it to really sink in. That would be the same as my upcoming half marathon having no aid stations at all. The thought absolutely horrified me. Then it occurred to me that on this upcoming 9 mile training run, I understood there to be only one bathroom at the 1/2 mile mark. When I heard this, I specifically told Koach Kutie 'that's insane. Seriously?'
I silently objected like there was no tomorrow. Had I thought there was any point in doing so, I would have bitched and moaned about it from here until Saturday.
No, rather I'm just looking at it as one more thing to challenge myself, to see how well I can pull this off. It might be a horrendous experience, I might learn how others do it, I might learn that I should carry kleenex with me on all runs. Who knows? While I'm deathly afraid of repeating last weeks gastro-intestinal horror, I'll still forge on. Somehow. Imodium anyone? Yeah, I'm only part kidding.
Reading about the every-15-mile-aid race got me to thinking. People actually do that. Okay, well not this people, but other people do it. The thought of doing anything more than 13.1 miles is absolutely insane, scary and almost foreign to me. But people actually do things like that. Amazing.
What's even more amazing is that the human body can do it. It's been proven time and time again just how far the human body can be physically pushed. Even without the comfort of an aid station every time you need it.
In World War II, an airman by the name of Louis Zamperini was lost at sea for a grueling [something like ] 45 days. No food, no fresh water, only sea. Battling hunger, a fellow airman dying, no rescue in sight. After that, he was captured by the enemy and held as a POW for [something like] three years. Starved, beaten, living in horrendous conditions not even fit for an animal...and he survived. Did I mention that Louis Zamerini was also an Olympic runner? *
There are still situations in the world that make it simply amazing how much the human body can endure. I believe for many of us, it's the mind that has the catching up to do. Why we can't just wait and see is kinda beyond me. Do what we intend to do and see what happens. Can we actually do that? The fear of the unknown is a factor for myself, I get that. But knowing that the human body can endure so much more than we give it credit for might help just a little.
I'm truly hoping as I conquer my 9 miles this weekend that I'll have the clarity to remember people like the Tarahumara 'running people' and Louis Zamperini and recall what they have pushed themselves to do. I'm hoping that when I need to 'go' about mile 2,4,6,7,8, I'll remember that I'm not going to die if I don't get instant relief. I'm not going to have to go another 12 miles with no relief. That in the case of a severe need, I'll simply remember the Kleenex and hop behind a bush. A little uncomfortable? Oh get over it. It's not a permanent thing, it may never be repeated. Push yourself to hard. And who knows? The rest of it might seem relatively easy.
* because I don't want to get sued, I'll add these details might not be entirely correct. This is only a gist, a summary of the book "Unbroken" By Laura Hilenbrand. An amazing story I could not put down!
Wait. About ever 15 MILES? omigod.
I had to read that over about four times for it to really sink in. That would be the same as my upcoming half marathon having no aid stations at all. The thought absolutely horrified me. Then it occurred to me that on this upcoming 9 mile training run, I understood there to be only one bathroom at the 1/2 mile mark. When I heard this, I specifically told Koach Kutie 'that's insane. Seriously?'
I silently objected like there was no tomorrow. Had I thought there was any point in doing so, I would have bitched and moaned about it from here until Saturday.
No, rather I'm just looking at it as one more thing to challenge myself, to see how well I can pull this off. It might be a horrendous experience, I might learn how others do it, I might learn that I should carry kleenex with me on all runs. Who knows? While I'm deathly afraid of repeating last weeks gastro-intestinal horror, I'll still forge on. Somehow. Imodium anyone? Yeah, I'm only part kidding.
Reading about the every-15-mile-aid race got me to thinking. People actually do that. Okay, well not this people, but other people do it. The thought of doing anything more than 13.1 miles is absolutely insane, scary and almost foreign to me. But people actually do things like that. Amazing.
What's even more amazing is that the human body can do it. It's been proven time and time again just how far the human body can be physically pushed. Even without the comfort of an aid station every time you need it.
In World War II, an airman by the name of Louis Zamperini was lost at sea for a grueling [something like ] 45 days. No food, no fresh water, only sea. Battling hunger, a fellow airman dying, no rescue in sight. After that, he was captured by the enemy and held as a POW for [something like] three years. Starved, beaten, living in horrendous conditions not even fit for an animal...and he survived. Did I mention that Louis Zamerini was also an Olympic runner? *
There are still situations in the world that make it simply amazing how much the human body can endure. I believe for many of us, it's the mind that has the catching up to do. Why we can't just wait and see is kinda beyond me. Do what we intend to do and see what happens. Can we actually do that? The fear of the unknown is a factor for myself, I get that. But knowing that the human body can endure so much more than we give it credit for might help just a little.
I'm truly hoping as I conquer my 9 miles this weekend that I'll have the clarity to remember people like the Tarahumara 'running people' and Louis Zamperini and recall what they have pushed themselves to do. I'm hoping that when I need to 'go' about mile 2,4,6,7,8, I'll remember that I'm not going to die if I don't get instant relief. I'm not going to have to go another 12 miles with no relief. That in the case of a severe need, I'll simply remember the Kleenex and hop behind a bush. A little uncomfortable? Oh get over it. It's not a permanent thing, it may never be repeated. Push yourself to hard. And who knows? The rest of it might seem relatively easy.
* because I don't want to get sued, I'll add these details might not be entirely correct. This is only a gist, a summary of the book "Unbroken" By Laura Hilenbrand. An amazing story I could not put down!
Monday, February 18, 2013
The Epic Battle
Saturday I had my longest run ever. 8.2 miles. As prepared as I was not, I did it anyway. Little did I know this would be a run most memorable for the worst reasons. As soon as I got to the meeting spot for a 7 am run, my gastro-intestal organs started arguing. By the time the run actually started, it launched on a full on war. So very very uncool.
I recalled my thought process on a day like to day. It went something like this:
Oh, that doesn't sound good. Was that MY stomach? Uh oh. Uhh...did I eat something I shouldn't have before a run last night? Well of course I did. Don't I always? Yup. That's me. Dumbass.
So wait, why am I doing this again? This is effin' hard. I'm tired. I slept well, but damn this is hard. I don't wanna do this anymore. I don't. I'm done. I could turn around right now and...oh damn, I'm going to need that bathroom stop. How far away? omigod. I've only gone a half mile? Another mile to the bathroom. OK, speed it up to get there quicker. omigod! No. Extra fast juggling of innards is NOT going to help. I could be in real trouble here. So OK, why am I doing this? It's too hard. I don't wanna. It's not like it helps anything. Ok, plenty of bushes I could jump behind for relief, but I have no tissue. Not going to work. So, what makes me do this? I feel worse because everyone always passes me, I'm too slow. Not helping my esteem. I'm going to talk to Coach Cutie. I'll ask her why I'm doing this. Oh whatever. If I don't know she sure as hell isn't going to know. omigod. Bathroom. Now.
I finally did reach the bathroom, after the ever important struggle of do I go extra fast and juggle things around or just go slow? I made the ever important realization that I do not have the skill of clenching and running. Nope. I wonder if they'll teach that? That was a bad bad experience.
OK, much much better. Now I'll be able to catch up. Whew. That was a close one. God, what would I have done if.....no. don't even go there. Okay, time for a Gu! Vanilla Gu. Huh, not bad, but kinda... Yick. Nah. I'll stick with the chocolate. It might look like pooh, but it tastes like frosting.
God, this is hard. Why am I doing this? What did that last blog post say? Because it's hard? What the hell did I mean? I don't even understand that. Forget it. That's not it.
So what if I quit? What if I DIDN'T do the race? No biggie. Would people judge? How would that feel? Oh hell, you and I both know I'd never forgive myself. Wait, you and I? Who the hell else is in here? Uh oh. Oh I'm crazy now. It must be the fatigue. I'd better stop and lie down now. No, that's embarrassing. Omigod. Only one more mile until turn around. hell yes! Omigod. Bathroom. Now.
Okay, only three more miles until I'm done. God, I'm tired. Where is that G*& D*&^ porta potty?That homeless guy on a bike. I wonder if I offered him a twenty if he'd give me his bike. Riding would be easier and faster at this point. Damn, no cash on me. Okay mental note to carry cash for emergency bike purchases. yes. That's a good idea. Omigod. Bathroom. Now.
How do these skinny little high school boys make this look so easy? Oh yeah, they are like what, 14? Yeah. Okay.
I will say that seeing the bathroom/porta potties on this particular run was like seeing Mecca. Beautiful. I've never ever been so incredibly glad to see a smelly, plastic box containing so much gross.
But I did it. And my clothing stayed clean, I did not humiliate myself on the bike trail. I didn't even puke!! Woo hoo!!! By far the biggest success yet. I did it. I did it. I did it.
I recalled my thought process on a day like to day. It went something like this:
Oh, that doesn't sound good. Was that MY stomach? Uh oh. Uhh...did I eat something I shouldn't have before a run last night? Well of course I did. Don't I always? Yup. That's me. Dumbass.
So wait, why am I doing this again? This is effin' hard. I'm tired. I slept well, but damn this is hard. I don't wanna do this anymore. I don't. I'm done. I could turn around right now and...oh damn, I'm going to need that bathroom stop. How far away? omigod. I've only gone a half mile? Another mile to the bathroom. OK, speed it up to get there quicker. omigod! No. Extra fast juggling of innards is NOT going to help. I could be in real trouble here. So OK, why am I doing this? It's too hard. I don't wanna. It's not like it helps anything. Ok, plenty of bushes I could jump behind for relief, but I have no tissue. Not going to work. So, what makes me do this? I feel worse because everyone always passes me, I'm too slow. Not helping my esteem. I'm going to talk to Coach Cutie. I'll ask her why I'm doing this. Oh whatever. If I don't know she sure as hell isn't going to know. omigod. Bathroom. Now.
I finally did reach the bathroom, after the ever important struggle of do I go extra fast and juggle things around or just go slow? I made the ever important realization that I do not have the skill of clenching and running. Nope. I wonder if they'll teach that? That was a bad bad experience.
OK, much much better. Now I'll be able to catch up. Whew. That was a close one. God, what would I have done if.....no. don't even go there. Okay, time for a Gu! Vanilla Gu. Huh, not bad, but kinda... Yick. Nah. I'll stick with the chocolate. It might look like pooh, but it tastes like frosting.
God, this is hard. Why am I doing this? What did that last blog post say? Because it's hard? What the hell did I mean? I don't even understand that. Forget it. That's not it.
So what if I quit? What if I DIDN'T do the race? No biggie. Would people judge? How would that feel? Oh hell, you and I both know I'd never forgive myself. Wait, you and I? Who the hell else is in here? Uh oh. Oh I'm crazy now. It must be the fatigue. I'd better stop and lie down now. No, that's embarrassing. Omigod. Only one more mile until turn around. hell yes! Omigod. Bathroom. Now.
Okay, only three more miles until I'm done. God, I'm tired. Where is that G*& D*&^ porta potty?That homeless guy on a bike. I wonder if I offered him a twenty if he'd give me his bike. Riding would be easier and faster at this point. Damn, no cash on me. Okay mental note to carry cash for emergency bike purchases. yes. That's a good idea. Omigod. Bathroom. Now.
How do these skinny little high school boys make this look so easy? Oh yeah, they are like what, 14? Yeah. Okay.
I will say that seeing the bathroom/porta potties on this particular run was like seeing Mecca. Beautiful. I've never ever been so incredibly glad to see a smelly, plastic box containing so much gross.
But I did it. And my clothing stayed clean, I did not humiliate myself on the bike trail. I didn't even puke!! Woo hoo!!! By far the biggest success yet. I did it. I did it. I did it.
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Me, the Mental Moron?
It's times like this when I really do question my own sanity, thoughts, and outlooks on all this running jazz.
Coach Cutie, asked how everyone felt on the last 7 miler. No one really said much, but one piped up with a groan. I didn't hear all of what was said, but it sounded like it was miserable for her. I think I heard the world horrible.
Seriously? From my point of view, it looked like she had been running for years. How could it be horrible? Why would it be hard? She's in shape! She's got amazing legs!
This is where my thinking is so skewed. Of course it's hard for her. What, like it's only hard for me? Oh, so it's harder for me because I'm old and fat? Oh yeah, that's it. Moron!
How and why do I STILL think like this?
Sometimes, if I could, I'd like to smack myself upside the head.
I suppose, after some thought that it does come down to low self esteem? Maybe I don't truly see myself as a runner because I've still got a lot of weight on me? This is actually a hard call for me, because I do tend to feel really amazing about myself for what I've accomplished. I've long accepted that I'm still 'new' at this, I'm not fast, I'm not mighty....and I'm okay with that! So then why do I constantly pull myself down like I do? I may never know the answer.
It's not that everyone else makes it look easy, in my mind, I know it's hard for everyone. If it were easy, everyone would do it. I guess I figure I struggle more than anyone else, because at times I kinda do think I'm an inherently lazy person, playing dress up as a runner. I don't know what exactly it will take to get my mind caught up with the game...perhaps time will tell.
Here's to hoping.
Coach Cutie, asked how everyone felt on the last 7 miler. No one really said much, but one piped up with a groan. I didn't hear all of what was said, but it sounded like it was miserable for her. I think I heard the world horrible.
Seriously? From my point of view, it looked like she had been running for years. How could it be horrible? Why would it be hard? She's in shape! She's got amazing legs!
This is where my thinking is so skewed. Of course it's hard for her. What, like it's only hard for me? Oh, so it's harder for me because I'm old and fat? Oh yeah, that's it. Moron!
How and why do I STILL think like this?
Sometimes, if I could, I'd like to smack myself upside the head.
I suppose, after some thought that it does come down to low self esteem? Maybe I don't truly see myself as a runner because I've still got a lot of weight on me? This is actually a hard call for me, because I do tend to feel really amazing about myself for what I've accomplished. I've long accepted that I'm still 'new' at this, I'm not fast, I'm not mighty....and I'm okay with that! So then why do I constantly pull myself down like I do? I may never know the answer.
It's not that everyone else makes it look easy, in my mind, I know it's hard for everyone. If it were easy, everyone would do it. I guess I figure I struggle more than anyone else, because at times I kinda do think I'm an inherently lazy person, playing dress up as a runner. I don't know what exactly it will take to get my mind caught up with the game...perhaps time will tell.
Here's to hoping.
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
No One Cares? Really?
I've seen it twice now. The statement that no one ( or at least non-runners) don't care about your latest PR, your latest mileage increase. None of it.
Really? God, that's so sad!
But I find it's true. Even when people appear to be interested, they seemingly stop listening, walk away or get that far away 'im now thinking of puppies' look. Yesterday, I had someone at work ask how the latest 7 miles was. When I started to say " It was tough, but I did it." too late, already gone by the time the word 'tough' got out of my mouth. Almighty then. Moving on.
I've noticed this kind of thing before, so I try to be very very cautious not to bring it up where I don't think it's welcome information. In the office, for example, I don't bring it up, unless someone asks. But that's when I notice it, still....so I'd kinda like to yell at them If you don't want to know, DON'T ASK! Is that not obvious?
I guess it can go along the same lines as asking about a new baby or puppy or new home construction. But common sense would tell me, if you aren't interested, don't ask for crying out loud. It's kind of a "don't ask, don't tell" thing, I suppose.
A part of me gets disappointed in this truth, because I'm one who needs to toot my own horn. Just a bit, here and there, because the more I say it, the more even I believe it. Sometimes it's just nice to hear that "good job" even if you know they don't mean it. It's not that I look for validation for the running that I do, but if I'm being honest here, I'm impressed with myself some days. I often fear I'm truly a lazy person at heart so even that slow 2 miler is impressive to me some days. I'm proud of myself. I want to shout from the rooftops " Hey! I wasn't lazy today!"
Talking to other runners for me, some days is even worse. That mighty marathoner who runs at the speed of light will say "hey that's a good start" when discussing your latest 6 mile feat that nearly killed you. A good start? No, this is a lifelong achievement that will be on my tombstone, thank you very much. Sigh. Then there's the beginner who can't relate. A one miler seems impossible, so a 6 miler may as well be a 120 miler. I suppose it's all relative.
Overall, no, the outsider opinion, validation, encouragement shouldn't be needed. For some, it is. Some days it's what we need to give us a push. When it's not there, it's not there. Nothing we can do about it, except press on and keep that little secret to yourself. When remembering my little 'secret' about my new found and increasing abilities, I find it gives me a boost, a push and a reason to hold my head a little higher.
Really? God, that's so sad!
But I find it's true. Even when people appear to be interested, they seemingly stop listening, walk away or get that far away 'im now thinking of puppies' look. Yesterday, I had someone at work ask how the latest 7 miles was. When I started to say " It was tough, but I did it." too late, already gone by the time the word 'tough' got out of my mouth. Almighty then. Moving on.
I've noticed this kind of thing before, so I try to be very very cautious not to bring it up where I don't think it's welcome information. In the office, for example, I don't bring it up, unless someone asks. But that's when I notice it, still....so I'd kinda like to yell at them If you don't want to know, DON'T ASK! Is that not obvious?
I guess it can go along the same lines as asking about a new baby or puppy or new home construction. But common sense would tell me, if you aren't interested, don't ask for crying out loud. It's kind of a "don't ask, don't tell" thing, I suppose.
A part of me gets disappointed in this truth, because I'm one who needs to toot my own horn. Just a bit, here and there, because the more I say it, the more even I believe it. Sometimes it's just nice to hear that "good job" even if you know they don't mean it. It's not that I look for validation for the running that I do, but if I'm being honest here, I'm impressed with myself some days. I often fear I'm truly a lazy person at heart so even that slow 2 miler is impressive to me some days. I'm proud of myself. I want to shout from the rooftops " Hey! I wasn't lazy today!"
Talking to other runners for me, some days is even worse. That mighty marathoner who runs at the speed of light will say "hey that's a good start" when discussing your latest 6 mile feat that nearly killed you. A good start? No, this is a lifelong achievement that will be on my tombstone, thank you very much. Sigh. Then there's the beginner who can't relate. A one miler seems impossible, so a 6 miler may as well be a 120 miler. I suppose it's all relative.
Overall, no, the outsider opinion, validation, encouragement shouldn't be needed. For some, it is. Some days it's what we need to give us a push. When it's not there, it's not there. Nothing we can do about it, except press on and keep that little secret to yourself. When remembering my little 'secret' about my new found and increasing abilities, I find it gives me a boost, a push and a reason to hold my head a little higher.
Monday, February 11, 2013
The Mental Madness
Saturday was my longest scheduled run ever. A training run for the half marathon. Seven miles.
I had been working on my mental game for awhile, knew what I had to do, told myself what I was going to do, set myself up mentally and just did it.
As with any long run, I got the inevitable thought invasion:
" What the hell am I doing?"
" This is the craziest.sh!t.ever"
" Why am I doing this? I can't remember"
And there it is. Ironically, when I was trying to remember why I was doing this, I honestly could not remember. Virtually nothing came to mind when I was thinking of why I was doing this, what made me start this and why I'd continue. It wasn't feeling good. It wasn't fun. It wasn't impressing anyone. I'm certainly not yet a size 10. I'm tired of the constant battle of hard vs. easy. I'm tired of juggling so much. I'm just tired.
I decided after this half marathon, in March I was going to be done. Retiring running forever. I did my thing, I proved I can do what I can do. I'm done.
Oh dammit. I already registered for the Triathlon in July. Son of a duck, I have to keep going.
So it got me to thinking, why DON'T I quit?
I don't quit because it's hard.
[ I'd say plain and simple here, but knowing my thought process, it's anything BUT plain and simple]
I don't quit because it's hard, meaning a couple of things.
a) I don't quit even though it's hard
b) I don't quit because it's the hardest thing I've ever done in my life.
With the first meaning, I don't quit because it's hard means I don't stop when the going gets tough, because I too, am tough. The days that I'm not? I simply give myself no other choice There are times when I cannot believe what I've lived through. Which really, in the grand schemes of things? It's nothing comparatively.
The second meaning, I don't quit because it's hard, means I'm essentially inviting the hardest thing in the world into my life. It's because it's hard is why I don't quit. It's the 'hard' that makes it great. It's the 'hard' that makes it the gigantor accomplishment it really is to me.
My sister reads a lot of books on the Holocaust and other war survival stories. She once told me that she reads things like that helps her to realize that no matter how bad we have it, there's always someone with a harder story. Lord is that true. So very very true. I'll admit I've had it relatively easy for much of my life. No major victimage, no horrific drama to live through, no wars or diseases. While not the Waltons or the Brady Bunch life, I have had it pretty good.
I think I choose hard challenges to keep myself trying. If everything we easy, I'm pretty sure I'd get used to that and even the simplest thing would become hard. I guess in the twisted mind of me, if I keep pushing myself, then I become better?
Better at what, I have no clue. Part of me, which I know is both a detriment and an asset, is that I'm always looking for improvement. I'd like to think no part of me will ever stand still. Always reaching, always striving for more. So much of me fears being stale, stagnant, boring, bored, lazy, so I keep striving. Sure, I might now succeed, I might not make any real changes, I might not actually get the accomplishment I want, but for some reason I'm at a point where I cannot seem to stop for long. Again, a detriment and an asset at it's best and worst.
It's kinda a new theory I'm working on, one that is in development still. It's interesting to me, yet at the same time, it all makes me kinda tired.
Ironically, though I feared my 7 mile run on Saturday, my Garmin read 7.502 miles at the end of it. Okay. I got this.
I had been working on my mental game for awhile, knew what I had to do, told myself what I was going to do, set myself up mentally and just did it.
As with any long run, I got the inevitable thought invasion:
" What the hell am I doing?"
" This is the craziest.sh!t.ever"
" Why am I doing this? I can't remember"
And there it is. Ironically, when I was trying to remember why I was doing this, I honestly could not remember. Virtually nothing came to mind when I was thinking of why I was doing this, what made me start this and why I'd continue. It wasn't feeling good. It wasn't fun. It wasn't impressing anyone. I'm certainly not yet a size 10. I'm tired of the constant battle of hard vs. easy. I'm tired of juggling so much. I'm just tired.
I decided after this half marathon, in March I was going to be done. Retiring running forever. I did my thing, I proved I can do what I can do. I'm done.
Oh dammit. I already registered for the Triathlon in July. Son of a duck, I have to keep going.
So it got me to thinking, why DON'T I quit?
I don't quit because it's hard.
[ I'd say plain and simple here, but knowing my thought process, it's anything BUT plain and simple]
I don't quit because it's hard, meaning a couple of things.
a) I don't quit even though it's hard
b) I don't quit because it's the hardest thing I've ever done in my life.
With the first meaning, I don't quit because it's hard means I don't stop when the going gets tough, because I too, am tough. The days that I'm not? I simply give myself no other choice There are times when I cannot believe what I've lived through. Which really, in the grand schemes of things? It's nothing comparatively.
The second meaning, I don't quit because it's hard, means I'm essentially inviting the hardest thing in the world into my life. It's because it's hard is why I don't quit. It's the 'hard' that makes it great. It's the 'hard' that makes it the gigantor accomplishment it really is to me.
My sister reads a lot of books on the Holocaust and other war survival stories. She once told me that she reads things like that helps her to realize that no matter how bad we have it, there's always someone with a harder story. Lord is that true. So very very true. I'll admit I've had it relatively easy for much of my life. No major victimage, no horrific drama to live through, no wars or diseases. While not the Waltons or the Brady Bunch life, I have had it pretty good.
I think I choose hard challenges to keep myself trying. If everything we easy, I'm pretty sure I'd get used to that and even the simplest thing would become hard. I guess in the twisted mind of me, if I keep pushing myself, then I become better?
Better at what, I have no clue. Part of me, which I know is both a detriment and an asset, is that I'm always looking for improvement. I'd like to think no part of me will ever stand still. Always reaching, always striving for more. So much of me fears being stale, stagnant, boring, bored, lazy, so I keep striving. Sure, I might now succeed, I might not make any real changes, I might not actually get the accomplishment I want, but for some reason I'm at a point where I cannot seem to stop for long. Again, a detriment and an asset at it's best and worst.
It's kinda a new theory I'm working on, one that is in development still. It's interesting to me, yet at the same time, it all makes me kinda tired.
Ironically, though I feared my 7 mile run on Saturday, my Garmin read 7.502 miles at the end of it. Okay. I got this.
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
It.
In my earlier post, I described how 'it' is back. So what is 'it'??
Honesly I have no idea if I can explain it. I'm confident there are other runners out there who know exactly what I'm talking about. They know that 'it' is common, needed...whatever.
It.
A freedom. A feeling. A detmination. A knowledge. A new kind of confidence. A happiness. A strength. An enjoyment. A power. A balance. An excitment. An ability. A talent. A challenge. A zone. A meditation. A thought process. A success. An adrenaline. A push. A speed. An epiphany.
It comes and goes, nothing I do or say seems to be able to bring it on. It's the best feeling I think I could ever have. It's when running goes from scary, harder than hell, not that enjoyable to all of a sudden a successful, amazing enjoyable thing I can't get enough of. When I first started running, I remember a feeling of dread everytime practice days came along. It was hard. I don't like hard. At some point, I remember 'it'. All of a sudden, it wasn't as hard. It was actually becoming enjoyable. I suddenly had a new confidence about it. I suddenly could not wait to run. I don't think I was any better, faster or anything like that. It's just that it was fitting well with me much better.
I have no idea how to hold onto 'it', but I know I love it. I cherish it and I believe it makes me better all around. Happier, stronger, balanced, tolerant, kinder, more organized....It's just simply awesome.
Honesly I have no idea if I can explain it. I'm confident there are other runners out there who know exactly what I'm talking about. They know that 'it' is common, needed...whatever.
It.
A freedom. A feeling. A detmination. A knowledge. A new kind of confidence. A happiness. A strength. An enjoyment. A power. A balance. An excitment. An ability. A talent. A challenge. A zone. A meditation. A thought process. A success. An adrenaline. A push. A speed. An epiphany.
It comes and goes, nothing I do or say seems to be able to bring it on. It's the best feeling I think I could ever have. It's when running goes from scary, harder than hell, not that enjoyable to all of a sudden a successful, amazing enjoyable thing I can't get enough of. When I first started running, I remember a feeling of dread everytime practice days came along. It was hard. I don't like hard. At some point, I remember 'it'. All of a sudden, it wasn't as hard. It was actually becoming enjoyable. I suddenly had a new confidence about it. I suddenly could not wait to run. I don't think I was any better, faster or anything like that. It's just that it was fitting well with me much better.
I have no idea how to hold onto 'it', but I know I love it. I cherish it and I believe it makes me better all around. Happier, stronger, balanced, tolerant, kinder, more organized....It's just simply awesome.
The Click
Last night on a training run, 'it' came back. I can't say I know exactly what 'it' is, but I was in the zone, I did my thing and I kicked ass!
I was complaining to my Coach shortly before we started about being a 'late bloomer' kinda thing. I absolutely must warm up with a walk anywhere from 15 minutes to 2 miles. Then I can go for a run. She pointed out that it's simple, long distances work for me. Me, really? huh. But it is true. My frustration with the shorter runs, is that by the time I get fully warmed up, I'm done. It frustrates me, because every day I see people who step on the trail and wham...they run. They don't seem to need the warm up like I do and they just...GO. How do they DO that?? I know I know...everyone is different.
Anywho, last night before we even started, I did a one mile walk, to warm up. My calves were burning, but I kept on. I started at the front of the group and I went. I figured I had had enough of a warm up to just go, so I did. My calves were still burning. Not nearly as crippling as usual, but it was hard. I took my walk breaks when needed, but with every millisecond someone passing me, I felt the need for speed. It was, after all a speed work night, so I just went.
Our total time was for 45 minutes. 10 minute warm up, 22.5 minute run,turn around.
I broke the rules a bit...my goal was to get in at least 3 miles in that time. At 1.5 miles I turned around. What happened next I don't even know how, or why...but I ran almost all the way back. I did take a few very very short ( less than 30 seconds) walk breaks. I'd say in the mile and a half back, I likely walked less than two minutes of it.
Where the hell did that come from?!
Never before had I even run one mile straight. Never before had I gone that far, for that long without walking, panting, internally whining and feeling sorry for myself. It was unbelievable. Just at the point where I was ready to start my usual aforementioned crap, I saw the glorious headlights of Howe Avenue where I knew my turnoff was. I ran.
Before last night, there was so much doubt swirling in my head about what I was doing that it made me dizzy. I feared constantly that I had taken too much time off around the holidays that I'd never ever get it back. I had, of course, NO faith in what I have done in the past, and what I could do again.
Part of me realizes that this too is new to me. Of course I had no faith. I'd never taken that much time off and then had to get 'it' back. So there's no real way I would have known. The experiences that I face everyday is what make me stronger. Well, that...and a helluva a lot of work.
I was complaining to my Coach shortly before we started about being a 'late bloomer' kinda thing. I absolutely must warm up with a walk anywhere from 15 minutes to 2 miles. Then I can go for a run. She pointed out that it's simple, long distances work for me. Me, really? huh. But it is true. My frustration with the shorter runs, is that by the time I get fully warmed up, I'm done. It frustrates me, because every day I see people who step on the trail and wham...they run. They don't seem to need the warm up like I do and they just...GO. How do they DO that?? I know I know...everyone is different.
Anywho, last night before we even started, I did a one mile walk, to warm up. My calves were burning, but I kept on. I started at the front of the group and I went. I figured I had had enough of a warm up to just go, so I did. My calves were still burning. Not nearly as crippling as usual, but it was hard. I took my walk breaks when needed, but with every millisecond someone passing me, I felt the need for speed. It was, after all a speed work night, so I just went.
Our total time was for 45 minutes. 10 minute warm up, 22.5 minute run,turn around.
I broke the rules a bit...my goal was to get in at least 3 miles in that time. At 1.5 miles I turned around. What happened next I don't even know how, or why...but I ran almost all the way back. I did take a few very very short ( less than 30 seconds) walk breaks. I'd say in the mile and a half back, I likely walked less than two minutes of it.
Where the hell did that come from?!
Never before had I even run one mile straight. Never before had I gone that far, for that long without walking, panting, internally whining and feeling sorry for myself. It was unbelievable. Just at the point where I was ready to start my usual aforementioned crap, I saw the glorious headlights of Howe Avenue where I knew my turnoff was. I ran.
Before last night, there was so much doubt swirling in my head about what I was doing that it made me dizzy. I feared constantly that I had taken too much time off around the holidays that I'd never ever get it back. I had, of course, NO faith in what I have done in the past, and what I could do again.
Part of me realizes that this too is new to me. Of course I had no faith. I'd never taken that much time off and then had to get 'it' back. So there's no real way I would have known. The experiences that I face everyday is what make me stronger. Well, that...and a helluva a lot of work.
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Ok, On to the Good Stuff- Why I run for Sherry
In Yesterday's post, I told you the heartbreaking and angering story of Sherry Arnold. The wife, mother, teacher, runner that disappeared in a morning run. Making us all remember that we are so very vulnerable as runners out there. Casting a certain ugliness into the sport.
Today, I want to bring some life and light into the ugliness that has to be acknowledged.
Sherry's cousin, a blogger I've been following for quite some time and have come to love, Shut Up and Run is announcing the 2nd annual virtual Run for Sherry. Happening on 2/9/13, it's a run to simply remember. To ensure that running is not a fading sport. To ensure that in the midst of tragedy, runners will run on. We may be scared out there, but we are not going to allow the bad to overcome the goodness only fellow runners can understand.
Without this sport, so many of us would never ever know our true potential. We would see other runners and be in awe of what they can do. Never understanding that the race or event we see is only about a tenth of the battle. The training, the time away from home, the aches, the pains, the missing toenails, the embarrassing occurrences...all of it remains to be seen to so many.
We would never know just how far we can push ourselves. We would never know just how much our bodies could do. We would never know just how strong we really are.
Runners are a breed of their own. I've come to acknowledge that over the past year. Rain, snow, thunder, hills, flood, Hurricane Sandy...it seems nothing can keep them down. The determination, the dedication, the will power to simply keep going is amazing. Whether or not I can be included in that breed, I have yet to determine. At times the title seems too great, as though I've not yet earned it. Other times, I take the title easily. I think it's truly an honor to be considered a runner.
I recently was with my training group out on a long winding trail near the river in my town. It's a popular spot for runners, walkers and bikers. As I'm still one of the slowest, I found myself far behind most of the group, not another trainee, coach or mentor in sight. Though my 'mates' were not there to encourage me, I was shocked at how many clearly experienced runners went by me telling me 'You look great.' 'You are doing it'. 'Good for you' ....Each and everyone I wondered "do I know you?"
No, I don't. They don't know me either. But it didn't matter. They saw me, obviously not having an easy go at it. They see that I'm a 'round runner' and they know how hard it is. Let's face it, even being the fit, thin, athletes they are, likely it's still hard for them too. Encouragement from stranger after stranger after stranger. It made me glow with pride, love and peace.
Where else in the world could I ever get that kind of support from perfect strangers?
I can't think of anywhere else, in any other situation.
It's reasons like this we need to run for Sherry. Print out the bib. Wear it with pride. It's possible, when you run on Saturday, someone might stop and ask you who she she is. Share her story. The fact that you run for a perfect stranger might touch them in a way that will bring some light to the world. It's possible someone else will be wearing the same bib. A common connection bringing strangers together. In the wake of such sad tragedy, it's up to us remaining to bring on the light.
On Saturday, my training group reaches a harrowing 7 miles. Further than I've ever gone before. While I'm scared, I also know I can do what I can do. My potential is what comes out here. One day I won't be able to do any of it. Saturday is not that day. Saturday, I run for you Sherry.
Today, I want to bring some life and light into the ugliness that has to be acknowledged.
Sherry's cousin, a blogger I've been following for quite some time and have come to love, Shut Up and Run is announcing the 2nd annual virtual Run for Sherry. Happening on 2/9/13, it's a run to simply remember. To ensure that running is not a fading sport. To ensure that in the midst of tragedy, runners will run on. We may be scared out there, but we are not going to allow the bad to overcome the goodness only fellow runners can understand.
Without this sport, so many of us would never ever know our true potential. We would see other runners and be in awe of what they can do. Never understanding that the race or event we see is only about a tenth of the battle. The training, the time away from home, the aches, the pains, the missing toenails, the embarrassing occurrences...all of it remains to be seen to so many.
We would never know just how far we can push ourselves. We would never know just how much our bodies could do. We would never know just how strong we really are.
Runners are a breed of their own. I've come to acknowledge that over the past year. Rain, snow, thunder, hills, flood, Hurricane Sandy...it seems nothing can keep them down. The determination, the dedication, the will power to simply keep going is amazing. Whether or not I can be included in that breed, I have yet to determine. At times the title seems too great, as though I've not yet earned it. Other times, I take the title easily. I think it's truly an honor to be considered a runner.
I recently was with my training group out on a long winding trail near the river in my town. It's a popular spot for runners, walkers and bikers. As I'm still one of the slowest, I found myself far behind most of the group, not another trainee, coach or mentor in sight. Though my 'mates' were not there to encourage me, I was shocked at how many clearly experienced runners went by me telling me 'You look great.' 'You are doing it'. 'Good for you' ....Each and everyone I wondered "do I know you?"
No, I don't. They don't know me either. But it didn't matter. They saw me, obviously not having an easy go at it. They see that I'm a 'round runner' and they know how hard it is. Let's face it, even being the fit, thin, athletes they are, likely it's still hard for them too. Encouragement from stranger after stranger after stranger. It made me glow with pride, love and peace.
Where else in the world could I ever get that kind of support from perfect strangers?
I can't think of anywhere else, in any other situation.
It's reasons like this we need to run for Sherry. Print out the bib. Wear it with pride. It's possible, when you run on Saturday, someone might stop and ask you who she she is. Share her story. The fact that you run for a perfect stranger might touch them in a way that will bring some light to the world. It's possible someone else will be wearing the same bib. A common connection bringing strangers together. In the wake of such sad tragedy, it's up to us remaining to bring on the light.
On Saturday, my training group reaches a harrowing 7 miles. Further than I've ever gone before. While I'm scared, I also know I can do what I can do. My potential is what comes out here. One day I won't be able to do any of it. Saturday is not that day. Saturday, I run for you Sherry.
Monday, February 4, 2013
The Dark Side of Running-The Post I Hate.
I hate this post already. It's a subject that I don't want to post on, that I don't want to acknowledge, that I don't want to need. At all. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.
Safety and Running.
Days before I started my first 'running school' back in January 2012, I read a post of fellow blogger "Shut Up And Run" that pretty much changed everything for me. It made me sick, it made me scared, it made me not want to run, it made me hate the world a little. The bloggers cousin, Sherry Arnold disappeared while on her morning run. In a tiny little rural town of Sydney, Montana, the world of runners was cracked open as one of their own was gone. Never to be seen alive again, the story of Sherry spread like wildfire.
I do not know the blogger, I do not know Sherry, or her family, friends, students. I've never been to Montana, nor at the time this happened was I much of a runner. But it struck me to the core. How many times had I been out and about on a walk, a run alone, music blaring, at dusk, before sunrise, even with strangers and oddities starting me in the face. Yes, of course everyone is always thinking 'it could have been me'. That's what we do.
A year has gone by. In that time, I've learned how to properly run. Form, breathing, pace, hydration, nutrition, cadence...the information I've learned is enormous. The things I've accomplished even more so. Three 5k's, 1 10K, a Progressive marathon and a half marathon relay, I've recently signed up for a Half Marathon and a Triathlon. Every step of the way, I've had safety on my mind first and foremost. I no longer run alone in my neighborhood. I no longer run alone when I can help it at all. Putting a strain on my training, yes, it does. My group of runner buds doesn't share the knowledge of what I've learned, and if they do, they likely don't seem to take it as 'personally' as I appear to. But I'll admit, I'm just scared.
The problem is, no matter how safe we think we are, were not. In the world lately it seems that everyone has gone crazy, gun happy, is anyone really safe? It's a hard call.
The tips of running safety are fairly basic.
- If you can do not run alone.
- If you do run alone, stay in a well lit, well populated area.
- Run with mace, pepper spray, stun gun or a dog.
-Make sure someone always knows your route and the approximate time you will be starting/stopping.
- Carry a phone with you at all times.
- If you must run at night, use a headlamp, flashlights, reflective clothing, shoes
- Avoid areas of dense bushes, trees if you can
- Alter your route, don't take the same route everyday.
- Don't run with loud music in both ears!
- Take a self defense class
I'm sure there are more...but depending on your own running area, practice, and style you should alter the safety practices to what your individual needs are.
Of course the safest way to get your mileage in? The treadmill inside. I keep telling myself one of these days I'm going to start training on the treadmill. But I hate it. That's a whole 'nother Oprah.
For now...stay safe. Don't ever take your good neighborhood, daylight hours,or kind neighbors for granted. You just never ever know.
Safety and Running.
Days before I started my first 'running school' back in January 2012, I read a post of fellow blogger "Shut Up And Run" that pretty much changed everything for me. It made me sick, it made me scared, it made me not want to run, it made me hate the world a little. The bloggers cousin, Sherry Arnold disappeared while on her morning run. In a tiny little rural town of Sydney, Montana, the world of runners was cracked open as one of their own was gone. Never to be seen alive again, the story of Sherry spread like wildfire.
I do not know the blogger, I do not know Sherry, or her family, friends, students. I've never been to Montana, nor at the time this happened was I much of a runner. But it struck me to the core. How many times had I been out and about on a walk, a run alone, music blaring, at dusk, before sunrise, even with strangers and oddities starting me in the face. Yes, of course everyone is always thinking 'it could have been me'. That's what we do.
A year has gone by. In that time, I've learned how to properly run. Form, breathing, pace, hydration, nutrition, cadence...the information I've learned is enormous. The things I've accomplished even more so. Three 5k's, 1 10K, a Progressive marathon and a half marathon relay, I've recently signed up for a Half Marathon and a Triathlon. Every step of the way, I've had safety on my mind first and foremost. I no longer run alone in my neighborhood. I no longer run alone when I can help it at all. Putting a strain on my training, yes, it does. My group of runner buds doesn't share the knowledge of what I've learned, and if they do, they likely don't seem to take it as 'personally' as I appear to. But I'll admit, I'm just scared.
The problem is, no matter how safe we think we are, were not. In the world lately it seems that everyone has gone crazy, gun happy, is anyone really safe? It's a hard call.
The tips of running safety are fairly basic.
- If you can do not run alone.
- If you do run alone, stay in a well lit, well populated area.
- Run with mace, pepper spray, stun gun or a dog.
-Make sure someone always knows your route and the approximate time you will be starting/stopping.
- Carry a phone with you at all times.
- If you must run at night, use a headlamp, flashlights, reflective clothing, shoes
- Avoid areas of dense bushes, trees if you can
- Alter your route, don't take the same route everyday.
- Don't run with loud music in both ears!
- Take a self defense class
I'm sure there are more...but depending on your own running area, practice, and style you should alter the safety practices to what your individual needs are.
Of course the safest way to get your mileage in? The treadmill inside. I keep telling myself one of these days I'm going to start training on the treadmill. But I hate it. That's a whole 'nother Oprah.
For now...stay safe. Don't ever take your good neighborhood, daylight hours,or kind neighbors for granted. You just never ever know.
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