Knowledgeable and Experienced. Me? Really?

  Once up on a time, when I first started running, I had calf pain so debilitating, it often threatened even my ability to walk, let along run.  Coaches and mentors advised additional liquids, electrolytes, stretching, trigger point....I did it all.  Nothing would stop the calves from burning, becoming solid bricks of painful mass.  Nothing advised eased it at all.  At one point, I had gotten to the track early and I decided I'd take advantage of the time and head out early to burn extra calories.  I started walking, likely because I was feeling lazy at the time, but I walked likely 2 rounds, stretched and then started the running when the session started.

Miraculously, my calves didn't hurt at all. Sure, they were a bit tight, but I was able to complete the assigned run without stopping in agony, stretching on a tree or wanting to cry and curl into a ball. 

So I found my answer to the biggest issue I was having.  Warm up, stretching before a walk/run and going with it.  In the new group I'm in, I noticed many having the same issue.  Tight calves threatening an early end to a running session.  Faces of agony and fear in front of me, I so feel their pain.  I was shocked when no one suggested a warm up and additional stretching before a run.  Then I remembered, no one had shared that 'secret' with me either, I had figured it out for myself- because it's what worked for ME.  Oh okay. 

Last night I did an experiment, which was likely kinda stupid, because I do know better.  I ran without warming up or stretching and sure enough, I could barely walk to the end of the track. OK, theory confirmed.  Duh.   I wanted to die.  I knew I was plenty hydrated, my nutrition was pretty decent, so it confirmed it for me. Again, duh.  Warm up walking and stretching is absolutely crucial for me before a run. 
I shared this little pain covered experiment with the coaches last night and it almost seemed they were skeptical. Again, I have to remind myself that every single body is going to be different, going to react a different way and that my 'solution' may not be a solution for someone else, but might add to an entirely different problem.  But it was mentioned to the group and for the first time, I feel like perhaps my words & experience might have helped someone in the world of running. 

Things like that still amaze me, to be honest.  Me?  Giving advice on running?  How exactly did that happen again?  Part of my twisted mind is 'oh I'm fat, obviously the new skinny runners would know better than I would' .  I hate when I think like a moron. 
Knowledge and experience is still knowledge and experience.  Should it come from a fatty, an elderly, a nun or a criminal, if it's potentially helpful to someone, then who cares where it comes from?  One of these days I'll get that through my thick skull. 

I do have the knowledge.  No, not all of it, I don't even want it all.  I do have the experience.  Not much of an expert, but I've done it.  A lot of it.  Just over 8 months, at least twice a week and I've done it.  Been there, done that.  Right?  To some brand new runner, they likely woudl view me as experienced and having at least some knowledge, but yet it's still hard for me to 'believe' or remember that myself at time.  So apparently some of my cross training needs to include mental work. Not a bad idea, actally. 

The Voice Within

For years now, I've been watching an elderly gentleman do what appears to be a daily trek to the nearby McDonald's pick up some breakfast and head back home.  I'd say he's walking, but I'm not sure what he does is actual walking.  More like an 'older guys shuffle'.  I've watched him for years, and it makes my heart smile that at his advanced age ( I'm going to guess 80 years plus) he still does it.   Over the years his shuffle hasn't changed much, but I know he's aged, that's inevitable.  Some days, in the cool weather, it almost looks downright painful for him to be out, but he has a bag of breakfast in his hand and he shuffles along anyway.  I always imagine he's got an elderly wife at home and he brings her breakfast every morning. 
Last week towards the end of my morning bike ride, I passed him. This was the closest I'd ever gotten to him and I slowed to say " good morning, sir".  He paused, turned and smiled at me with a surprisingly loud and strong voice to say " good morning" back.  It shocked me, to be honest.  I never would have imagined his voice to be that strong and loud, given his age. 

The lesson I learned that day should have been well ingrained in my mind, but it wasn't.  No matter what condition our bodies are in, it's no match for what might be going on inside.  Our hearts, our minds and our inner beings can be oh so different that what the world sees. 

Does your inside match your outside?  What's your voice within say to you?

So uh, What's Your Excuse Again?

Yesterday I did a short speech on the 'running school'  I've been in since January at a launch for a group of state workers potentially starting up their own walk/run program.  Basically I told my story, then hung around for questions.  Despite my dear and loathing of public speaking, I felt I did really well and made at least some impact.  It was actually a great experience. 

A woman came up and talked to us about the times of the sessions and kinda hummed and hawed over it.  Her issue was the timing.  After working all day for the state, she then went to a second job, and then home to her children.  The timing of our program would not work for her, but she was okay with that.  " For now, I still move.  I basically don't sit down much, unless I'm eating" She seems to have found a way to do most of her tasks standing up or moving.  She walked as often as she could, her lunch hour and other breaks and basically did whatever she could.  It was impressive.  Even Ms. Athletic I was presenting with had a jaw drop when this woman reported she usually averaged 17,000 steps a day.  " On a good day, I can get up to 25,000 steps."  Wow. 

To be honest, I don't know how that measures.  But I had read only hours before hearing that, that the America Heart Association recommends taking on a goal of walking 10,000 steps a day for increased health and possible weight loss.  Working two jobs and taking care of her kids, this woman, whose name I never got, was doing so much more than that. 

It just goes to show.  Those who can, will.  Those with the will, can. 

We all have a million excuses not to workout, not to do what we should.  Lord knows I do.  Some of them I'm rather proud of!  In reality, of course life does get in the way, schedules change, things come up.  It happens.   Often times there's an opportunity to get creative with the obstacles that stand in the way, but it takes some determination and some creativity.  If the determination to do a workout is there, find a way.  Think of what the ultimate goal is, whether it be to simply burn calories for the day, increase mileage or cross train and ask yourself what tools you have to do just that.  Improvise.  Make it work. 

Those who can, will.  Those with the will, can. 

Determining the Finish Line

When running any distance, whether it be one mile or 5, what we count on is the finish line.  Even if there's no 'official' finish line and it's just a certain spot on a track or path to indicate the end, it's important.  Everything, I'm learning needs a finish line.  Even life has it's own finish line. 

The finish line is so much like a goal for me.  A place to get to, a destination to reach.  In more than a few ways, my goals have become my finish lines. I'm forever asking myself, what's the next finish line?  To date, I have no clue.  You have no idea how frustrating and scary that is.  I feel like I'm wandering around in the dark feeling my way around, stumbling on things I can't even see. 

It's occurred to me that my current mindset is not in the best place to be starting a blog,  call that bad timing on my part.  But I s'pose it happens to the best of us.  It's a minor funk/rut that I'm slowly crawling out of and trying to determine what the next finish line will be for me.  Do I increase mileage? Do I increase speed?  Do I increase stamina?  Do I focus on cross training?  Do I focus on weight loss?   It's interesting that I seemingly have NO clue even how to decide. 

But one thing I am certain of, I need to get outta this funk/rut, whatever you wanna call it.  Now.  I realized this funk is the product of my own behavior, my own aimless wandering.  I don't know where I'm going, so I'll just kinda sit here on this large colorful mushroom until I figure it out, meanwhile reversing the results I've worked so hard for.  Blech.  I didn't know I was doing that, didn't intend to, but I did. I may as well have been in Wonderland with Alice. 

 So with one foot in front of the other, I'm just going to move.  Right now I'm working on the mindset as well as getting back on a track.  I don't know if it's the right track to the finish line I'll eventually decide on, but I'm moving in the right direction, that much I know.  Starting with eating better, and getting to the gym as often as possible. 

In the meantime, I'm figuring out the next finish line I want.  Weight loss goal, running improvement goal....no idea what it will be yet and I'm not going to push it.  I've got time.  As long as I keep moving and keep going, I've got this. 

The Progressive

While I still consider myself a beginner at this runner thing, I know all too well a marathon is beyond out of reach for me right now.  Duh. 
But when I read about The San Francisco Progressive Marathon, I was so excited I almost wet myself.  A progressive marathon is an event you run a total of 26.2 miles.  23.1 miles is done on your own, any time leading up to the event, whether it be in a week or a month.  The last 3.1 (5k) is done on marathon day.  I signed up immediately, knowing San Francisco is THE place to in the summer.  Cool weather, enough said.  I advised my running buddies of the event and had one sign up with me. 

Planning this was easy, of course.  Carrying out said plans not so much.  Trying to fit in vacations and family time and running always easier said than done.  A week before the event, we were scheduled to be in the mountains.  No running there, I knew that.  High altitude running is not for me yet.  Due to the impossible heat of Sacramento in July, my running was patchy at best.  Not so great, but it was at least attempted. I knew I could still pull off a 5k in San Francisco- a city brimming with my own personal familiarity and history, a place near and dear to my heart for a multitude of reasons.  Namely that my dad was born & raised there and is now laid to rest nearby.  'Frisco is truly 'his' city and now that he's gone, it means even more to me.   
So as the date drew near, not only was my training out of whack, but the vacation eating set in as well.  Cool.  Then my running buddy backed out.  Even cooler still.  I was alone.  The fear in me rose to a high.  I had never done a run alone.  Okay, forging on. 
The morning of the event, I woke in plenty of time, despite not sleeping much at all.  I got things together, had planned to get there plenty early, eating a little something, hydrating and warming up.  Didn't happen.  It took us over an hour to find parking that didn't have the price of $50 for the day.  No kidding. San Francisco parking is no joke.  Or maybe it is, or at least should be.  As we parked, I was pretty sure my husband was ready to start drinking heavily and I wanted to beat someone to a pulp.   The stress of parking and timing left me literally running to the start line while slamming a Gu gel for breakfast.  Alrighty then. 

I had my worst time ever, but you know, I don't care.  I was there.  I did it.  I was so inspired by the view and the fact that my dad was nearby made it all worth it.  I slowed to take pictures, I chatted with other runners, I did what I needed to to enjoy it.  I thanked the biker dude volunteers as I ran by, I gave them high fives, super glad I didn't spill their coffee and the best part?  I got my medal. 

I grew up in a family with a few swimmers.  They always got medals.  I never had a medal in my life before I started running.  The two I've gotten are simply for participating, but they mean the world to me.  I earned them simply by being brave enough to do it.  That's no small task for me. 

While leaving San Francisco, I looked at my frazzled husband and mentioned "next year it will be easier, since we know what to expect"  I think he really wanted to throw rocks at me.

The Ultimate Challenge

Tonight I am going to be running in weather that is supposed to hit 105 degrees.  I honestly can't say I'm excited for this, but in a small kinda screwed up way, I kinda am.  I am the worlds biggest whiner, crybaby and I'm full of excuses.  When I'm faced with a task that seems so hard, so nasty and just downright nasty, I look for ways to avoid it.  In this case, I almost have no way to avoid it.  As a red shirt mentor, I've agreed to do this.  I can't back out without feeling really horrible about myself.   It's not worth it to miss, the price is much to great. 
Now I just look for ways to do it.  To make it easier, less painfully hot, and look forward to the afterglow, when I can look back and say ' omg. I did it.'  and I can feel the glow of pride in knowing how hard it was, but I did my thing anyway. 

What I'm struggling with more and more is my eating.  I can't seem to get 'back' to where I was back in the spring.  It's like I've gotten so far off track, I can't even find the damn track anymore.  This scares me to pieces.  I know I've gained roughly 20 lbs, but to be honest I've not been on a scale consistently enough to even know that.  The last I checked it was I think 11 pounds up.  My clothes still fit, some are snug, but they were anyway, with me constantly getting into new sizes and whatnot.  Nothing fits like it used to, one way or another.  So the clothing sizing is a difficult thing to measure. 
I wish I could tell myself that I'm excercising enough to make up the difference in what I'm eating.  Nope.  Can't even say that.  Bummer. 

 

It's Always Something...or not.

Yesterday's 'running school' as I like to call it was only the 3rd time meeting.  So the enthusiasm and excitement should still be there, but for me, not so much.  Over the weekend while camping, I caught a horrendous virus-flu-cold that is still lingering.  While it's gotten much better over the last 3 days, it's still there.  Coughing, congestion, and more snot than I care to see-ever. 
Like I always do, I went to Running School.  Now that I've been graduated to the red shirt mentor status, I can't miss.  I just can't.  It's truly not that I think that I'm all that important, popular or needed, Lord knows I'm likely not.  But it keeps me going, knowing that I've been 'promoted' from blue shirt to red shirt.  Not everyone does.  I was asked to step up as a mentor, the sessions are no-cost for me, so I don't miss if I possibly can.  It keeps me going thinking that I'm one of the 'few' and that I'm needed. 
I did my usual warm up, which is to say I shook my body awake after sitting at a desk for 8 hours.  But "warm up" hardly seems fair to say.  My body was already warm enough.  It was 98 degrees outside for God's sake.  I hate the heat.  I will say that repeatedly until it gets cooler.  I hate the heat. 

Warming up, I knew immediately, "Houston, we have a problem". Despite the plethora of cold, cough and allergy medicines I had take throughout the day ( oh yes, allergies are in the house as well) the coughing started.  Having a coughing fit next to some football players in practice stretches was totally cool.  I can only imagine how amazing I looked, there in my red mentoring shirt, sweating like a farm animal, and coughing up lungs.   

OH and let's not forget the hair! Not long ago, I decided it was time for side swept bangs. Since then, it's been a battle while I run to keep them out of my face. I ended up with a bright pink shiny/shimmery headband to hold it all back.  While it doesn't match any clothing I have, I'm thinking it does nicely compliment my bright pink face when I run.  Mission accomplished.  I look awesome. 

So between the heat, the cold, the coughing, the allergies, the ugly sweat and hair thing I had going on, I ran anyway.  I was really glad it was only 1.25 miles for the day ( that still cracks me up and tickles me to say 'only 1.25 miles) and I did it.  I walked a lot of it, hacked a few times, but it was done.  I knew I'd not regret it, but just starting that first step is always the hardest.  Will it ever get easier?!

I'm learning it's always something.  It's the weather, it's my shorts that I don't like, I'm wearing the wrong socks, it's the stupid song on my Mp3, it's the guy in the park who looked at me, my shirt rubs me the wrong way, I didn't sleep well last night, I had a headache earlier, my friends neighbors dog died,  my hair looks dumb, I'm hungry, my husband pissed me off, my sister is stressed out and might need to call, my boss is out of town, I ate cheese puffs for lunch.  It's always something.  Or at least it can be.  Perhaps knowing there's always something to deter, prevent, or not exactly support my running, my mind set or motivation is the first step to saying 'screw it' and doing it anyway.  Easier said than done. 

If I go and prepare for the worst, that everything will annoy me, it will be uncomfortable and not so pleasant, perhaps I will surprise myself and actually get past the 'thing' that could always stand in my way.  Huh.  An interesting concept, at least. 

I have just over one million excuses not to do it.  Now I need to work on the excuses to do it. 

Welcome!

Alrighty then.  Lets see how this goes. A blog about big running. 

To be clear, 'big running' does not indicate mileage.  It indicates big body size.  This blog is designed to allure bigger folks into the world of running and advise them it IS possible to run even if you are not a size 2 or 20 years old.  I am neither, in fact far from it.  But that's how I know it's possible. 

Right now I weigh 220 lbs and I'm 39.  I have been walk/running for the past 8 months and am volunteering as a running mentor for new runners.  For the record, this still shocks me.  That someone would be looking to me for running motivation/inspiration, looking to me as a running mentor.  Me?  The chick who loves her couch?  Me?  The chick who still can't walk into a room without thinking "yep, fattest one in here" Me?  The one who's driven away from the gym without going in because others might notice I'm fat?  Yeah, that's me in all my mental nonsense.  I started out by faking it, and now I'm making it. 

This all started back in August 2011, after I completed a challenge at my gym and lost weight ( I started at 277 lbs by the way).  I felt amazing that I could do anything.  Running seemed the hardest thing in the world, so I tried it.  And I kept going. 
I'm not an ace, expert, doctor, coach, nutritionist, therapist, nor anything special, spectacular.  When it comes to running, I'm super slow.  But I'm still lapping those still on the couch.  I'm good with that.  I sitll consider myself a beginner, I still can't run a full mile without stopping to walk.  I'm good with that.  I've come a long way, baby. 

I recently completed my 3rd 5k 'race', which was the San Francisco Progressive Marathon.  A marathon you do in stages.  23.1 miles built up before the race, then 3.1 miles on the day of the marathon/5k.  This may be the closest I'll ever get to an actual marathon and again, I'm good with that.  For now. 

My next real goal is to run one full mile without stopping.  Ive gotten up to .6, so I'm well on my way.  While the challenge and excitement of running still scares the pants off of me, it also thrills me as to what my body might be able to do.  It still amazes me somedays.