God, What IS it With This Sport?!?

I've been known to have a few addictions/habits/obsessions in my life throughout the years, junk foods, Ebay, cigarettes, sodas, shoes...whatever.  But running as a habit/addiction is as normal to me as growing a left foot outta my head. Seriously?

I did a ton of back to back races, events over the last couple of months and I'm burned out.  My husband grew tired of me doing a race every other weekend, and mentoring in between, and I agreed.  I was glad to finish the last ten miler last weekend, as that was going to be my last for awhile.

So why in God's name did I just put two more possible races on my calendar? 

This is what baffles me.  I psyche myself out and screw with myself mentally for weeks leading up to a race.  I freak myself out with exactly what I can't even remember, put off training, screw it up a bit here and there. Failing to sleep, drink water or eat anything but mini cinnamon rolls.   I conquer the race, often by the Grace of God, then beat the hell out of myself for not doing as well as I'd liked. 
I learn my lessons over and over again, I know what I need to do, do some of it, do it half assed and then decide how I'm going to do it better.  I told myself no more races until I get my sh!t in line.  Until I start working out and training for an actual race, and working harder. 

But I can't stop! I want more races...I'm at the point where I tell myself I don't care if I'm slow, or it's hard, I just want to keep going and going and going. I'm fearing if I stop, I'll sit on the couch and never ever move again.  Yes, I believe I still have that capability.  It scares me to death. 

I was just about to register for another race coming up in July, then I realized I promised my husband no more races. He'd see it on the bank account transaction. 
I won't sneak around with another man, secret credit cards, or a drinking/drug problem, but maybe with a racing problem.  I'm sitting here trying to come up with ways to register and not have him know about it.  Or maybe tell him I'm required to for the program I mentor.  Or maybe I was forced to by aliens.  Or that it's a charity benefitting his mother.  Sigh. 
I'm so very lucky that he supports me in this strange quest/obsession that I seem to be developing stronger and stronger every week.

But what a thrill it is to have something I want that's actually GOOD for me!!