I'm now 6 days and counting to the biggest race I've ever done. A Half Marathon. Not a relay, not just a 5K, not a 10Kbut the whole enchilada. 13.1 miles in front of me, just me to run, walk, skip, crawl and perhaps even puke on.
I've gone as much as 11.5 miles, the amount my training took me. It was tough. Veeerrry tough. But I did it. I've been thinking about this for a long time now, been preparing for it and I'm 6 days pre-race and I don't have a single jitter, not a speck of adrenaline. um. Yeah.
I can't remember exactly, but before my first race, a 5k, I remember having nerves and adrenaline quite some time ahead of the day of the race. Maybe 6 days pre-race is too soon. I can't remember how many days I had that surge of electric speeding adrenaline running through me. Maybe it will come on Wednesday.
Maybe I should add here that my training has not been all that strenuous. Oh it's there, all right. My training program is great...but I'm not doing it all. The stuff on my own? Forget it. It's been a half assed effort at best to get the extra runs in, the cross training. Too much going on, as usual.
So I should be nervous. Veeerrry nervous, right? And I'm not. At this point, I'm almost wondering if I've just got the confidence I need, knowing that I'll finish it, regardless.
Yet, I am desperately fearing I have some arrogance about me where arrogance is certainly not desired, earned or wanted. I have NO reason to be arrogant about a damn thing, to be honest.
So where are my nerves!? Without sounding like a whiny freak here, I'm going to say that the biggest thing I'm nervous about is my lack of nervousness. Does that make a lick of sense at all? I should be nervous. I should be scared out of my mind, knowing that it's my first long long race, I've not done everything possible to ensure a good race, I've had some knee problems, my foot is acting up again*, it's the first race kiddo will be able to see me in, I technically don't really have anyone close to me doing this with me, and it's freaking hard.
I can't say for sure why I feel so calm. Is it that I'm more mentally ready than I think I should be? Is it that I just don't care? Maybe it has not become a reality yet?
Lord knows. Nothing I can do about it now at this point. In a little more than 24 hours I'll be there to pick up the race packet. Then it's on! oh my.
* this is a whole 'nother Oprah. Existing foot issue I pretend not to have. Generally mild, not much of a problem, has not bothered me until recently, and again, I choose to ignore it for now.
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