So What Does A Runner Look Like Anyway?

I was asked to do a recruiting event for running school at a health fair.  Okay, I can do that.  As one who usually doesn't shut up about things I like, I'm the perfect candidate.  So here I am, partnered with a running school coach I'd not met before and we did our best to explain and sell the program.  To be honest, this program doesn't need much selling.  If people were to experience it once, chances are they'd really like it.  It's affordable, it's not terribly time consuming, it's non-competitive, it can work for everyone.  Literally. 
One individual stopped by the booth to ask a few questions.  He looked at me, then at my co-recruiter and said "well you actually LOOK like a runner"  She confirmed that yes, she was a runner. 
Then it occurred to me.  Was that a slight slam on me?  No, I guess it's true, I don't look like a runner, but I consider myself one.  I have three races under my belt, I know the proper form, I've been doing this for nine months, yeah, I'm a runner too!
To be honest, I wasn't offended at that ( well, maybe a little) but in reality, I get it.  I know what I look like.  While it's not easy to admit, I will say it:  I don't really look like a runner.  I'm still fat, I get that.  I still have a tummy, I get that too.  It's not like I can't see it for God's sake.  But wait a minute.  My legs. My calves.  If I do say so myself, my calves are damn impressive.  No, commentator at the table couldn't see my legs behind the table, fair enough.  From his perspective, no, I likely did not look like a runner.  Fair enough.  I know what I am, I know what I'm not, and God knows I do know what I look like. 
Part of me, {maybe the hopeful, delusions, show off part of me?} likes to think that's why I might be good in the position I am in right now.  A mentor to other beginning runners.  I'm no better than any of them, I'll be the first to say that.  But I'd like to think that somewhere, somehow, there's someone who would like to start a walk/run program, but will shy away for the reason I always did: being overweight, being old. 
When I first started running school, the orientation was enough to make me want to puke.  I was quite confident I'd be the oldest and fattest one there.  Guess what? I wasn't.  Seeing one individual who was larger than me, a few my size and my age or older gave me the confidence to actually start. 
So I did. 
Since then, sure, I've likely been the biggest there was in a running school session, but to be honest, I've kinda stopped noticing.  So what?  Does it matter?
Nope.  I'm not going to let a body image, mine or someone else's,  determine what I'm going to do out there.  Some days I will rock it.  Other days, I'll bomb.  Likely neither one has to do with my size, shape or age.  I am what I am right now and nothing in my running mindset is going to change that.
 

The Countdown Begins!

I'm less than a week away from the Urban Cow Half Marathon Relay. At this point, I'm as trained as I'm going to get. The mental side is needing work, as always, but overall, my attitude is "let's do this thing". I can't say whether I'm excited, nervous, or just wanting to get it over with. Time will tell, I suppose. At the track this morning, I noticed what people were wearing. As always, I'm big on people watching, even when I run. It gives me something to do. This morning, being the last day in September, it was still too hot, even at 8:30 a.m. I am dying of the heat, still. It seemed odd to me to see people wearing long pants, long sleeves and even jackets. Soooo, wait a minute. Am I having hot flashes? People, I'm wearing shorts and a tee, and I'm sweating like a farm animal out here. So what gives? I was tempted to ask one individual who was bundled up like it was a blizzard out, why he was wearing sweat pants, a long sleeve shirt and a hoodie, zipped up with his hood on. But I opted not to. I feared it would be some answer that only a super fit person would understand. I did overhear one telling another "oh it feels so good to sweat". Really? I'll admit at times, it feels great to workout. It feels good to get aggressions, frustrations and emotions out in exercise. Sweating is just part of that, sure. But to feel good to sweat? nu-uh. I hate being sweaty. The only time it feels good to sweat is when it's arctic conditions out, and the cool air acts as a fan on my damp skin. In the heat? Sweat feels like I'm being basted in the oven. To each his own, I know. I remember starting a running school session when it was over 100 degrees out, and a fellow mentor advised how good the heat felt. Heat? Feeling good? No way. Only on a beach in Mexico or my bed on a cold winter morning is when the heat feels good to me. Something I will never ever understand. I guess there could easily be a blog entry about me, running in January with only shorts and a tee on, not being bothered one bit by the cold. Others wore ear muffs, gloves, hats, pants and jackets. Nope, not for me. Bring on the cold, I say. So how long are we betting before I'm bitching about the cold and how my old bones just don't work in the cold like they used to!?

Reaching the Summit

As my BIG race approaches in a little more than two weeks, I am starting to relax. Last week up until a couple of days ago, I was in a head spinning, failure to breathe panic. Gone, it seemed were the well wishers and cheerleaders who always told me " you can totally do it" So I was left on my own to figure out my own mental stuff. Yikes! Exactly what I don't trust: myself. How stupid is that?! Out of all this, the books, the coaches, mentors, the friends, cheerleaders, supporters, me is the one thing I should trust the most. Apparently I'm still working on that concept. As strangely as it sounds, I almost feel I'm in a different place than I was a mere 48 hours ago. Perhaps my panic is my fuel, perhaps the incredibly realistic dreams of me running, my father and other 'fillers' is getting to my psyche. In any case, I'm at a serene calm and I cannot get enough of it. It's as though this Mount Everest of a challenge for me has already passed. As much as I love the serenity and confidence, I cannot help but wonder if this is the 'right' path. I'm still too new at this to really know what works for me in terms of new challenges. I started reading a book called "Finding Your Zone: Ten Core Lessons for Achieving Peak Performance in Sports and Life" Thus far, I'm loving it. While much of it doesn't exactly apply to me, I'm taking out of it what I need to help the mental side of the game. I'm also working on my cadence. I hate cadence, it confuses and scares me. While in running school on Tuesday, I almost died when a coach 'metronomed me' .omg. Never had that happen before. Running next to me holding an i-phone beeping at me at a pace that sounded like the heartbeat of a hummingbird. 180BPM. You mean I have to run in rhythm to all that beeping? Oh hell no. Too fast. Can't breath. Feet are like lightning, no no no. Three words that made it all better "Shorten your stride" Okay. Ohhh!!! Baby steps! I like it!! I did find that I was able to run more, keep my stride with that horrid beeping I could not get out of my head {maybe that was a good thing?} I was amazed. With shorter strides, I WAS able to do more it seemed, for longer and I was in less pain, and could breathe easier. In essence, by simply shorter faster strides, I was putting out less energy. I love it! So now I have a new found boost, confidence and seemingly a new 'way' to run. I'm excited now!

Now I've done it.

At the end of this session of 'running school' is a half marathon/5k.  I signed up for the 5k, thinking piece of cake, I got that. No, of course I wouldn't have an impressive time, nor be able to run the entire thing, but hey, one more run under my belt, one more bib to hang on my pride wall, right? 

So how in God's name did I end up signed up for the Half Marathon Relay?  Are you kidding me?

We seem to be having an issue with peer pressure here in my world.
  
At home, I deal with my ten year old being teased because she's a good student, kind and sweet.  For this she's picked on.  Of course she is, jealous hating adults start that way as kids, right?  I've been telling her that their words do not matter one bit.  She knows what she is, she knows what she wants to be and be like, she knows what she can expect of herself.  Forget those hurtful words, kiddo.  Ignore the haters, you are just fine the way you are.  Perfect in fact.  I always fear the day when peer pressure will make her start to act stupid and do moronic acts that will lead her to trouble.  Peer Pressure is what can lead to trouble, right?
Right. 
On the other side of the social media platform, I find a request for a half marathon relay partner.  I reply to my friend 'gosh I wish I was ready' and it all went spinning out of control from there.  I don't even know what happened and here I am, committed to a half marathon relay. I'm pretty sure I was breathing throughout the conversation on Facebook, yet whether I had full consciousness I don't recall.   I listened to their words of encouragement ' you can do it'  and ' you got this' and whatnot and I liked it.  I followed their words to the keyboard to respond " I'm in" and just like that, I'm committed. 

What the hell??

Peer Pressure, all the way. 
I'd never do it had it not been for the peeps pushing me to test my limits, stretch the boundaries of my own comfort, and push myself harder than ever before.  I've got to be out of my ever loving mind.  I've got 32 days to increase my mileage to 6.55 miles from the max of 4.0 that I've ever done.  I think I'm going to be sick now. 

But I'll admit a small part of me loves it.  These people, these outsiders who might have a good idea about me, but truly can't see the real internal stuff I'm about simply tell me to go for it.  Whether or not they believe it, they tell me I can do it.  I will work it, I will train and do what I can.  I can't miss work to train, I have to sleep, I have to be a parent and a wife, but somehow by the grace of God, I will do this. 

It's so odd to me how 12 hours ago, I was telling kiddo just the opposite of what I'm doing.  I told her to forget the words of others, they don't matter.  I told her the only person's opinion you need to be concerned about is your own.  I told her other people were so often jealous and hating things, and taking it out of the good people. 
My God, I was wrong...so very wrong.  Was I? 
Had I taken my own advice, I'd never have glanced twice at the words of those telling me I can do it.  I never would have even read them.  Their words don't matter.  Oh the hell they don't.  My running and/or fitness people's words are my bible.  Seriously. 
 The only person's opinion you need to be concerned about is your own.   Well if that was the case, I'd never have gotten off the damn couch.  Fat chicks don't run.  I'm too fat to run, I'm too old. I look dumb when I run, I can't run.  Yeah okay, that little gem of advice is wrong.  Very wrong.  When it comes to me, my abilities, my strength, my skills, my own 'stuff' I'm likely the last person I should listen to. 
 Other people were so often jealous and hating things, and taking it out of the good people. 
  Oh Lord, not even close.  In this case, these runner buds are doing nothing but wanting to build me up.  Jealous of me? Not for a minute.  For some God known reason, it's like things like jealousy, competition and stupid ugliness doesn't exist in the runners world.  Does it?

Nope. 
It's times like this I love being an adult. 

  

The New Temptation

In the course of my running adventures, I hit a wall.  Not knowing what my next 'action' should be to focus on, to concentrate on increasing mileage, time, weight loss, cross training...where to go from where I was was the question on my mind.  I decided to focus on weight loss and getting back to a fitness level I was once at.  Since a May vacation in Utah, the land of food, or so it seemed, I had kinda fallen off the wayside.  I had figured my muscle, fitness, metabolism and strength level were enough that I could kick back for a bit and not do serious damage to the weight loss. 
I was so very wrong.  I gained 20 pounds from May to August.  Stupid stupid Stupid. 

So my main focus was not on running itself, but calorie burning, weight loss and rebuilding my muscle and fitness strength.  Ive been 'running' with that in mind since and not stressing over times, mileage or anything of that nature but focusing more on calorie burn and times of cardio per week. 
Then a new temptation hits, a half marathon. 

The coach of running school ran in the Disneyland Half Marathon and boy did it look like fun.  Dressed in Disney Gear, running around Disneyland for 13.1 miles and then ending up with a medal.  Immediately it inspired me to think about training for a half marathon. 

On Facebook, a complete loser of a ton of weight, someone who's inspired me to no end started a group on running 5k's and up to a half marathon.  There it is again....coming into my face as though it's a sign.  Now its in my mind to wonder about training for a half marathon.  Could I do it?  This is the time, the weather is cooler, summer is over and things are on routine again.  I've decided that September 1st through about June1st is going to become my official 'running season', the season that's so weather agreeable to me, schedules are pretty well set, vacations are at a minimum and running is a lot more possible. 

At times the thought of it exhausts me to no end.  Other times, it excites me, knowing I could get one of those 13.1 stickers on my car, in my office, in my bathroom, tattooed on my hiney....just as proof I did it.

So do I do it? No idea.  I guess this will be one of those things that if it's meant to be it will somehow just happen.