Finding the Passion: Is It Possible?

I recently read a comment on Facebook recently about someone who was irritated about not getting in her evening run. 
"Nothing feels the same. I hate days I can't run." she wrote.  She felt her entire world was knocked off balance as she wasn't able to do the one thing she loves.  Run.
As soon as I read that, I had a mini surge of excitement, knowing that I would NOT be running that evening, and I was glad.  happy.  Elated.  But of course...I also wondered why I didn't have the same experience. Why didn't I feel the loss of running when I wasn't able to?  Why didn't I have the drive to run even when I didn't need to or didn't have time?

When I miss a running workout, I feel glad that I don't have to do it.  It's hard.  Of course I don't want to do it.  Whether it's a buddy cancelling out, a twinge in my ankle, a scheduling conflict, whenever I'm am unable to run, my emotions are a mix of relief, happiness and guilt.  I hate feeling happy over it, because I think I'm supposed to love it.  But I don't.  Still.  I used to get a LOT more joy out of it, but then I worked harder at it too.  These days I'm lucky if I get three runs a week in- and even those are 3 miles or less-.  I'm confident there's a connection there, work harder, enjoy it more, but the motivation is lacking as well. 

I feel like I have to keep revisiting this issue over and over and I whine about it every time.  I have experienced that 'thing' in me that makes me feel like I'm on fire and cannot and will not ever stop...I love the feeling more than anything...yet it doesn't last. 

Maybe it comes from not having a set goal in mind, maybe it comes from not having the 'whole' package of decent eating and exercise going on for me right now. Maybe I'm expecting too much, maybe  need to account more, the fact that I have a full time job, a family and other 'stuff' going on all at once.   In any case....something is lacking.  Something huge.  It has been for awhile, but I push on anyway.  I'm thinking it's quite likely time to start reading again, the many books I have on the subject.  The old issues of Women's Running and Runner's World magazines.  Those usually can ignite a spark of inspiration. 

What I do know, is that I've been stagnant for too long.  Not a minute of cross training, little or no running training and I'm not happy with it.  I don't know if I'll find the passion I'm needing, but I have to start somewhere, right? One foot in front of the other....I know this stuff like the back of my hand. I tell it to people all the time.  Yet doing it for myself?  Now that's the hard part.