Shoes of Lead

I agreed with myself that I'd get back on track after the New year...so here it is.  The track.  But why are my shoes filled with lead? Oh my. 
I headed out to the track on 1/1/13, to head off my four mile walk.  After a long night of fun, I knew that was about all I had in me.  Silly me, I should have known better. 
Meeting my big brother, I was ahead of him by .75 mile when he arrived- and we started in.  It was my brilliant idea to hit up four miles, instead of the usual 3.  By the time I actually hit 3 miles, I was dying.  Literally dying.  I had a hard time keeping up with the guy who weighs 150 lbs more than I do.  I wasnt' running, I wasn't even jogging.  I was walking.  And it was hard.  My feet were burning, which I realized my calluses softened up and needed to form again, my back was aching, it honestly felt like I had never walked before in my life. 
Seriously? 

So of course, as I do, I start to panic.  What have I done?  I took time off to relax, re-coup and it feels like I've lost running forever.  How do I get it back?  More intensely, I've got a 13.1 mile race in less than 3 months.  Oh. My. God.  How in the hell am I going to do this? 

Day two of my headache today ( stopping all sugar again usually does this) and an overall feeling of crap, and I am in a whirlwind of fear and panic about what I've done to my body since Thanksgiving and how far down I've fallen, I'm not in such a good place.  I also realize that as I've been doing for the past month or so, I'm still fighting off this horrific flu/cold/whatever you want to call it.  I've not fully gotten it, thank God, but I can feel it creeping in, ready to attack.  Keeping my immunity up has been a challenge, considering the illness is everywhere. 

I started my workouts yesterday and I'm just going to keep going.  Lord knows how far I can push myself, especially when right now I am still looking for the train that hit me.  But I do know that just getting the motor started is the first step.
I plan on another workout tonight, then hopefully to bed early.  Sleeping well is a big thing for me.  When I am sick, sore, run down...sleeping well seems to always do it for me. 
Of course, that in itself is a whole 'nother Oprah.....

So here goes nothing.
I will remember not to panic.  I will remember to use fear as my energy.  I will remember to always do what I can do.  I will remember always to push just a little bit.  I will remember to allow others to motivate and inspire me.  I will remember that no matter how many people I'm with, who's there or not there, ultimately, it's my body that will cross the finish line....