Shoes of Lead

I agreed with myself that I'd get back on track after the New year...so here it is.  The track.  But why are my shoes filled with lead? Oh my. 
I headed out to the track on 1/1/13, to head off my four mile walk.  After a long night of fun, I knew that was about all I had in me.  Silly me, I should have known better. 
Meeting my big brother, I was ahead of him by .75 mile when he arrived- and we started in.  It was my brilliant idea to hit up four miles, instead of the usual 3.  By the time I actually hit 3 miles, I was dying.  Literally dying.  I had a hard time keeping up with the guy who weighs 150 lbs more than I do.  I wasnt' running, I wasn't even jogging.  I was walking.  And it was hard.  My feet were burning, which I realized my calluses softened up and needed to form again, my back was aching, it honestly felt like I had never walked before in my life. 
Seriously? 

So of course, as I do, I start to panic.  What have I done?  I took time off to relax, re-coup and it feels like I've lost running forever.  How do I get it back?  More intensely, I've got a 13.1 mile race in less than 3 months.  Oh. My. God.  How in the hell am I going to do this? 

Day two of my headache today ( stopping all sugar again usually does this) and an overall feeling of crap, and I am in a whirlwind of fear and panic about what I've done to my body since Thanksgiving and how far down I've fallen, I'm not in such a good place.  I also realize that as I've been doing for the past month or so, I'm still fighting off this horrific flu/cold/whatever you want to call it.  I've not fully gotten it, thank God, but I can feel it creeping in, ready to attack.  Keeping my immunity up has been a challenge, considering the illness is everywhere. 

I started my workouts yesterday and I'm just going to keep going.  Lord knows how far I can push myself, especially when right now I am still looking for the train that hit me.  But I do know that just getting the motor started is the first step.
I plan on another workout tonight, then hopefully to bed early.  Sleeping well is a big thing for me.  When I am sick, sore, run down...sleeping well seems to always do it for me. 
Of course, that in itself is a whole 'nother Oprah.....

So here goes nothing.
I will remember not to panic.  I will remember to use fear as my energy.  I will remember to always do what I can do.  I will remember always to push just a little bit.  I will remember to allow others to motivate and inspire me.  I will remember that no matter how many people I'm with, who's there or not there, ultimately, it's my body that will cross the finish line....

Right After This Here Nap....

So I'm constantly thinking of getting back to my routine, the gym, attempting a slow run, and while I'm gearing up for it, there's been another obstacle...SICK. 
This is where I insert a huge, loud, horrible groan, moaning, scream. 
I started coming down with something about 2 weeks ago.  In typical fashion, I fought it hard, and won.  A week later, kiddo came down with some horrendous flu/cold combination.  Between running to the store for more juice and cough syrup, and sanitizing everything in the house for days, working out was not going to happen.  
We had a wonderful four day Christmas weekend, kiddo was getting better, lots to do, people to see, presents to wrap, all of it was amazing.  But my biggest mistake?  Letting my guard down, I went easy on the sanitizing, didnt sleep as much as I needed, and  here I sit, strenuously fighting sick again.  Zicam, Aleve, and Airborne as often as I can get away with.  Right now the overwhelming fatigue and overall run over by a truck feeling I have makes the thought of even getting out to the track feel like a marathon.  I figure a few days of rest, more Zicam, Airborne, apple juice and tylenol and I'll be good to go.  Providing there IS an actual end to this garbage.  Between home, work and the average everyday stranger, I feel like it's everywhere.  I'm truly not a germaphobe, but good Lord could someone label me that now.  It's all I can do to not spray people in the facew with Lysol when they come stand at me and cough. 
So I'm still needing that nap.  And even more so.  Sleep and preventative measures are what takes it away for me, almost always.  Here's to hoping. 

Cross Training Christmas

Between the end of the last running school session I was mentoring and the beginning of half marathon training in January, I decided I was going to focus on my cross training, working on strength training and  general cardio strength and whatnot. 
I can't say it's not happening, it is.  Sorta.  Not nearly as much as I wanted. Not nearly as much as I'd hoped, but it's going.  Ive not had a decent run since the Thanksgiving run and that scares me.  I fear I'll 'lose' my mileage and not be able to get it back.  Ive done that before, accomplished something, not kept it up and then it kinda slipped away, never to become again.  I hate that. 
So I've not been as adamant about the gym, cross training as I'd hoped, but I realized something else.  I'm freaking tired!
For eleven months, I've been exercising, dieting, learning, running, cross training, meeting new people, mentoring, reading, maintaining runner buddy status, mental working in addition to my regular life of working, wife-ing, parenting, daughter-ing, sister-ing, home-ing, dogging, all of it.  While so much of it I love, it takes time, effort and it can take it's toll.  And that's not even mentioning the daily drama that surrounds my life at all times.  Cool. 

While I don't want to give myself too much slack, [ yeah, been there done that.  I call it the 30 pound Oreo: start with one, end up gaining 30 lbs]  I do want to make it real.  Eat real foods, nap on the couch, spend game night with the family without worrying about the gym.  So I'm attempting to kinda do both.  Yeah right.  I know how that sounds and I know how that goes. 

I'm taking a few classes at the gym, meeting for weights, walking, and doing a bit here and there.  Not expecting any weight loss, as I'm eating...well, like Santa Clause.  But I'm hoping at least when January comes, my system won't be in utter and complete total shock.

But at least for right now I'm attempting.  I'm not giving in, not giving up.  I'm doing what feels right, what feels normal for me right now.  I know all too soon I'll be enveloped in training for the half, working my buttocks off in fear of making an ass out of myself, so I'll double up on running and cross training events, I'll train hard and do what needs to be done for the 3 months of training hard.  I'll neglect my family, forget the dog, zone out at work and won't notice the dust and cobwebs in the corners. 
But I'm so excited. 

I'm excited for the toughness, I'm excited for the 'stress' and tight muscles, I'm excited for the drive I'll feel.  I'm excited for the challenge. I'm excited to feel that fatigue of training, I'm excited to push the limits, to feel the electric adrenaline pulsing through my veins. 

But for right now, I'm really kinda wanting a nap. 

The Laughing Leprechaun

I took yet another huge plunge and signed up for the Shamrock'n Half Marathon Training Program. Since I've been mentoring, I get the program for free. A big bonus and yet a potential problem for me. Of course, like everyone else, money is a bit of an 'issue' in our household. So not having to pay the fees is nice, yet it's often times the money issue that gets me motivated to do it. If I have money behind it, fear of wasting spent money is bad, so I forge on to get my money's worth. Not paid for? Nothing lost. That's dangerous thinking. But I want this. My goal is for March 17th, 2013 to run the Shamrock'n Half Marathon. Here goes nothing.

Now I've been getting these images of this nasty, yet adorable little leprechaun who is peering out of bushes waiting for me to run by, meanwhile laughing at me. " ah she thinks she runs a half, tee hee hee" as I go tripping over a blade of grass and having this leprechaun laugh and dance around me. I'll be race roadkill. Leprechauns do that kinda thing, don't they?
Now all these freaky, bizarre and downright stupid images I have, I haven't actually signed up for the race. Why?
Typical me. Fear. A different excuse everyday. We don't have the money. I don't have time. I don't want to run the actual race. I don't have anything to wear. It's selfish. What if I get hurt and waste the money? I might not be home the day of the race. It goes on an on. I know, fear just sucks.

Running Turkey

I admit it, I'm overdue for a post.  Got some catching up to do!

I decided with my running group to run the Run To Feed The Hungry on Thanksgiving Day.  While I wanted to run the race [ of course using the terms 'race' loosely as 27,000 people on a street tend to go rather slow] I was really hesitant.  Knowing that a) I hate crowds.  b) I had one day to sleep in over the Thanksgiving holidays c) My husband would not be with me. d) I was feeling the need to hibernate, eat myself stupid and sleep for weeks.  So I literally forced myself to do it. 
Not only that, I forced myself to do the 10K rather than just the 5K. 
( I'll add here that it still thrills me to death to say 'just a 5K') 

But it scared me.  Reviewing the race map, I realized there was a point I could easily turn off and do the 5k instead.  Would I wimp out at the last moment, make that turn and continue to a 5K and call it a go?  I didn't trust myself.  I did what any responsible athlete would do, I put my money behind it. 
A few days before, I bought myself a 10K Christmas ornament and a giant pink sparkly 10K sticker for my car.
Now I had to do it. I bought the proof that I had done it. 
But just in case, I asked my fellow groupies to make sure I didn't turn off and go the shortcut 5K.  I happened to pair off with my Half Marathon Relay partner and it was wonderful.  While I think she's much faster/stronger than I am, she stuck with me.  It was great to have someone stick with me. 

I was shocked to see how many of the locals came out on their porches, driveways and front lawns, fire pits, chairs, blankets, mimosas and pastries to watch and cheer us on.  That was fabulous and fun to watch.  It also made me jealous as hell to see them so comfortable. 

Overall it was fun. Would I do it again?  Oh, I suppose I would.  It's just the early mornings that kill me.  I'm not much of a morning person, so maybe I'll get lucky and  someone will come up with a race that starts at say 4 pm.  That would be nice. 
The biggest disappointment was that my Favorite 'post race restaurant' was closed for Thanksgiving, so no super fatty post race waffle for me.  But I survived. 

One: Solitary Sensation

I've always considered myself a social person, I can talk to nearly anyone, about nearly anything.  I used to enjoy the company of people...sometimes. More and more however,  running is not a time when I like people at my side.  I may like a person very much, even love them, want to spend time and energy with them, laugh with them, etc.  But I've learned while running, I prefer to be alone- I think. 

It's still a concept I'm 'playing' with, still experimenting, etc.  So I could be in a phase, or a place where people with me are not gonna do it for me.  I'm not sure.  I've learned a couple of things running with others vs. running alone. 

Running with others, I'm forced to consider someone else.  Don't get me wrong, I am generally very considerate when I can possibly be.  But in a sense, running is hard enough. It might be that I'm still new enough to it that I have a lot to think about, leg movement, arm placement, foot landing, breathing...all the things to consider when I run, someone right next to me I think might distract me too much. 

Running alone, I can disappear into my thoughts. All the random daydreams I have over time that are constantly interrupted by the bustle of everyday life. This is the time when I get the idea of how to organize the garage, reminder to get that book kiddo needs, the inspiration of that long awaited luxury bath can keep me going.

Running with others, I find that often times they want to talk.  Now I'll be the first to admit, when I run, breathing is hard.  I see people running all over, fast paced and continual and they are chatting up a storm.  No idea how they do it. It's quite possible this is a self conscious thing, that I fear my breathlessness will embarrass me as I try to chat, knowing I can only push out a few words when the pace picks up and I'm in the zone. 

Running alone, I am forced to talk to myself [preferably in a silent voice, but not always] forced to keep myself going, to tell myself to stop my whining and just do it. I admit there are more times than not on a super long, hard one, that I start talking to anyone I think can help me out...my late father, my late brother, asking for inspirations or a sign to help me keep going, to give me a boost, to run along with me. I've talked to God, asking for strength or a ya know...a la-z-boy recliner  with a large milkshake at the moment. I find actual talking helps me stay in the now, hearing my own voice is almost weird sometimes. I can't imagine what others might be thinking, as if I care.

Emotional reflections With a busy life, a job, a family, a household, bills to pay, a dog to feed, a house to clean, a mother to call and friends to visit, there are things that get pushed aside on nearly a daily basis. One major one is my emotions. Hurt, humor, anger, frustration, relief, sadness, elation, fury, excitement, devastation, peace, ugliness....it can all come out in a run. I won't hesitate for a minute to admit that I've both laughed and cried while on a run. I've cried out of sadness, elation, peace. I've felt fury beyond what I feel myself can even handle, pushing me to run farther and faster than I thought I could. I've felt elation, relief, excitement to the point where I want to run forever.

Running with others, I often am unsure about pacing.  If I forge ahead of someone, will they feel bad?  Should I feel bad?  If they forge ahead of me, while I'm perfectly okay with that, should I feel the pressure to catch up with them?  Go at my own pace? It gets confusing and distracting.  I generally have my own rule, we can do this together, but we don't need to stick together. 

Which is pretty much my ideal.  I love having someone out there with me, but not immediately right by my side. I honestly wouldn't even care if someone just sat in the stands and watched.  The connection to having someone there is huge for me, but as long as it's not in my 'runner space'  Too much pressure and distraction for me.  I don't know if that's normal or not.  Sure, come to the track, park, path with me, sure.  You go one pace, I'll go another.  I'll see you, give you a high five, cheer you on, and go back to my internal solitary sensation.   

 



 

Lance- Dope or Nope?

This morning I read about Lance Armstrong being stripped of his seven Tour De France wins. There's been so much speculation that he's a doper, that it's a witch hunt, that he's a fraud, that he has jealous haters out to get him, who the hell knows what to think?
What do I think?
It saddens me. All the way around, no matter if he's truly guilty of doping or not. It saddens me.
It's sad that there's truly no athlete that's safe from the 'temptation' of doping, or the possibility of being picked on, bullied by an organization or by haters.
Do I think he's truly innocent? Eh, my thoughts are wavering on this. If he was truly innocent of all charged, he'd be fighting like hell, and continue to work to clear his name. The anti-doping folks would have to continue to work to prove him dirty. Seems to me that if the sponsors are dropping like flies and he's been stripped of his titles, then yes, they obviously have something to go by.
But doping or not doping, does it really matter?
The man has still pulled the impossible from his ass and frankly, his abilities still impress me. Knowing what we know now, there's likely not a rider in any of the Tour De France races that's not been doped, at least a little. The bar has been raised. Regular abilities aint gonna do it anymore, riders know this, coaches know this. If you want to be seen as the top, you need to run with the top, and if the top is all about doping, that's what you do. I get it. Not to say I support it, that's a whole 'nother Oprah.
I recently bought " It's Not About the Bike" from a cheap used book store. I figured it might be a good read for any kind of motivation. Still haven't read it, but I'm waiting for it. Now that he's basically been banned from biking, Will I find it still motivating? I know I will. He wasn't born a doper, he wasn't born on a bike. He had to pursue biking, had to pursue the competition. That in itself takes guts, courage to step forward. It stakes discipline to get on the bike to begin with. Dope or nope, he still had to take that first step, every time. Dope is not going to get you out of bed in the morning. Dope is not going to get you off that couch. Dope is not going to make you want to do it, that comes from within.
 Plain and simple, the man is still an athlete. I have no doubt that the man showed some talent, dedication and drive before potentially doping.  At some point, he had to catch the attention.  He didn't start biking and doping at the same time, that much I'm sure.  I believe he got in with the dopers he knew,  it was a universal thing, he just happened to rise to the top of the game with more attention than the others and he was brought to light. 
Dope or nope, I still believe in him as an athlete. He still was there, he still did it.