One: Solitary Sensation

I've always considered myself a social person, I can talk to nearly anyone, about nearly anything.  I used to enjoy the company of people...sometimes. More and more however,  running is not a time when I like people at my side.  I may like a person very much, even love them, want to spend time and energy with them, laugh with them, etc.  But I've learned while running, I prefer to be alone- I think. 

It's still a concept I'm 'playing' with, still experimenting, etc.  So I could be in a phase, or a place where people with me are not gonna do it for me.  I'm not sure.  I've learned a couple of things running with others vs. running alone. 

Running with others, I'm forced to consider someone else.  Don't get me wrong, I am generally very considerate when I can possibly be.  But in a sense, running is hard enough. It might be that I'm still new enough to it that I have a lot to think about, leg movement, arm placement, foot landing, breathing...all the things to consider when I run, someone right next to me I think might distract me too much. 

Running alone, I can disappear into my thoughts. All the random daydreams I have over time that are constantly interrupted by the bustle of everyday life. This is the time when I get the idea of how to organize the garage, reminder to get that book kiddo needs, the inspiration of that long awaited luxury bath can keep me going.

Running with others, I find that often times they want to talk.  Now I'll be the first to admit, when I run, breathing is hard.  I see people running all over, fast paced and continual and they are chatting up a storm.  No idea how they do it. It's quite possible this is a self conscious thing, that I fear my breathlessness will embarrass me as I try to chat, knowing I can only push out a few words when the pace picks up and I'm in the zone. 

Running alone, I am forced to talk to myself [preferably in a silent voice, but not always] forced to keep myself going, to tell myself to stop my whining and just do it. I admit there are more times than not on a super long, hard one, that I start talking to anyone I think can help me out...my late father, my late brother, asking for inspirations or a sign to help me keep going, to give me a boost, to run along with me. I've talked to God, asking for strength or a ya know...a la-z-boy recliner  with a large milkshake at the moment. I find actual talking helps me stay in the now, hearing my own voice is almost weird sometimes. I can't imagine what others might be thinking, as if I care.

Emotional reflections With a busy life, a job, a family, a household, bills to pay, a dog to feed, a house to clean, a mother to call and friends to visit, there are things that get pushed aside on nearly a daily basis. One major one is my emotions. Hurt, humor, anger, frustration, relief, sadness, elation, fury, excitement, devastation, peace, ugliness....it can all come out in a run. I won't hesitate for a minute to admit that I've both laughed and cried while on a run. I've cried out of sadness, elation, peace. I've felt fury beyond what I feel myself can even handle, pushing me to run farther and faster than I thought I could. I've felt elation, relief, excitement to the point where I want to run forever.

Running with others, I often am unsure about pacing.  If I forge ahead of someone, will they feel bad?  Should I feel bad?  If they forge ahead of me, while I'm perfectly okay with that, should I feel the pressure to catch up with them?  Go at my own pace? It gets confusing and distracting.  I generally have my own rule, we can do this together, but we don't need to stick together. 

Which is pretty much my ideal.  I love having someone out there with me, but not immediately right by my side. I honestly wouldn't even care if someone just sat in the stands and watched.  The connection to having someone there is huge for me, but as long as it's not in my 'runner space'  Too much pressure and distraction for me.  I don't know if that's normal or not.  Sure, come to the track, park, path with me, sure.  You go one pace, I'll go another.  I'll see you, give you a high five, cheer you on, and go back to my internal solitary sensation.   

 



 

Lance- Dope or Nope?

This morning I read about Lance Armstrong being stripped of his seven Tour De France wins. There's been so much speculation that he's a doper, that it's a witch hunt, that he's a fraud, that he has jealous haters out to get him, who the hell knows what to think?
What do I think?
It saddens me. All the way around, no matter if he's truly guilty of doping or not. It saddens me.
It's sad that there's truly no athlete that's safe from the 'temptation' of doping, or the possibility of being picked on, bullied by an organization or by haters.
Do I think he's truly innocent? Eh, my thoughts are wavering on this. If he was truly innocent of all charged, he'd be fighting like hell, and continue to work to clear his name. The anti-doping folks would have to continue to work to prove him dirty. Seems to me that if the sponsors are dropping like flies and he's been stripped of his titles, then yes, they obviously have something to go by.
But doping or not doping, does it really matter?
The man has still pulled the impossible from his ass and frankly, his abilities still impress me. Knowing what we know now, there's likely not a rider in any of the Tour De France races that's not been doped, at least a little. The bar has been raised. Regular abilities aint gonna do it anymore, riders know this, coaches know this. If you want to be seen as the top, you need to run with the top, and if the top is all about doping, that's what you do. I get it. Not to say I support it, that's a whole 'nother Oprah.
I recently bought " It's Not About the Bike" from a cheap used book store. I figured it might be a good read for any kind of motivation. Still haven't read it, but I'm waiting for it. Now that he's basically been banned from biking, Will I find it still motivating? I know I will. He wasn't born a doper, he wasn't born on a bike. He had to pursue biking, had to pursue the competition. That in itself takes guts, courage to step forward. It stakes discipline to get on the bike to begin with. Dope or nope, he still had to take that first step, every time. Dope is not going to get you out of bed in the morning. Dope is not going to get you off that couch. Dope is not going to make you want to do it, that comes from within.
 Plain and simple, the man is still an athlete. I have no doubt that the man showed some talent, dedication and drive before potentially doping.  At some point, he had to catch the attention.  He didn't start biking and doping at the same time, that much I'm sure.  I believe he got in with the dopers he knew,  it was a universal thing, he just happened to rise to the top of the game with more attention than the others and he was brought to light. 
Dope or nope, I still believe in him as an athlete. He still was there, he still did it. 

Finally....Now Can I Stop Whining?!

The fall weather has FINALLY decided to come to California!!  A week ago, give or take, we were dying of the heat during an evening run.  Sweating like farm animals, and wishing for a break. 
Yesterdays run was perfect.  Cool, cloudy and dry.  Love love loved it!

I could never get enough of the cool weather running, so I'm thrilled to death with this time of year, and have big plans~ I've just recently gotten the green light to register for the half marathon training through running school.  The session starts in January, so until then, I'm going to keep my mileage up and perhaps build up to 7 miles.  I worked my way up to 6.55 miles for the Urban Cow Half Marathon Relay, so to let my mileage slip now would be dumb.  As soon as I can, I'm also going to register for the Shamrock'n Half Marathon in March.  That, I'm excited for!

My boss just asked me " Do you still run in the rain?"  Of course!  I advised him that it's the best time of the year to run, rain or not.  " It also really minimizes the risk of sweating to death", of course giving him a chuckle.  As if I was kidding.  I could do without the darker evenings, the mud puddles and slippery conditions, but rain? Oh bring it.  I love the cool weather runs. 

The AfterGlow

October 7, 2012, I completed my longest race ever, 6.55 miles, in the Urban Cow Half Marathon Relay.  As with every race I've ever done, looking back, I think " Wow, what an experience" 

I purposely waited a week to write about it, because the race afterglow was so incredible, I was not convinced I'd be able to put two sentences together. ( Not to mention, every body- in fact body parts I didn't know I had-  hurt like hell for days)

While training, the longest run I had done was 6.00 miles in 2 hours.  This was stressful for me because I read somewhere that there was a 4 hour time limit.  I knew my partner would be able to do it in about 1.5 hrs or so, so I stressed on my timing.  A lot. 
So when our time of 3:07 was revealed, I was proud...so proud.  I had not heard what the exact split time was, meaning how much of that 3:07 was partner and how much of that was mine.  At one point it was confirmed my time was 1:43, which made me soar. More distance in less time that I ever trained for. 
But that's Race Day Adrenaline for you. 

I realized that my Race Day Adrenaline for me starts several days in advance.  I think this time it started on Thursday night.  Friday I felt like a hummingbird with too much caffeine.  It's a combination for excitement, nerves, adrenaline, fear, dread, wanting to get it over with, anxiousness, more excitement topped with more excitement.  I was more excited I think than anything. 
When the race occurs, it's almost a surreal experience.  I can vaguely remember only flashes of bits and pieces, yet I was extremely 'aware' during every minute of it. 

For days after the race, I crashed.  I was more sore than I think I had ever been, my fatigue level had caught up with me and then some.  I could not sleep or eat enough.  I wanted to wear my cow bell race medal around my neck showing people " look what I did!"  but I feared all 3 ounces of it would hurt too.  Essentially I took the week off from most, if not all exercise and rested.  It was a nice break, I feel well deserved.
Now?  The Race Day adrenaline is gone, and all I can think about is my next racing endeavour. 

So What Does A Runner Look Like Anyway?

I was asked to do a recruiting event for running school at a health fair.  Okay, I can do that.  As one who usually doesn't shut up about things I like, I'm the perfect candidate.  So here I am, partnered with a running school coach I'd not met before and we did our best to explain and sell the program.  To be honest, this program doesn't need much selling.  If people were to experience it once, chances are they'd really like it.  It's affordable, it's not terribly time consuming, it's non-competitive, it can work for everyone.  Literally. 
One individual stopped by the booth to ask a few questions.  He looked at me, then at my co-recruiter and said "well you actually LOOK like a runner"  She confirmed that yes, she was a runner. 
Then it occurred to me.  Was that a slight slam on me?  No, I guess it's true, I don't look like a runner, but I consider myself one.  I have three races under my belt, I know the proper form, I've been doing this for nine months, yeah, I'm a runner too!
To be honest, I wasn't offended at that ( well, maybe a little) but in reality, I get it.  I know what I look like.  While it's not easy to admit, I will say it:  I don't really look like a runner.  I'm still fat, I get that.  I still have a tummy, I get that too.  It's not like I can't see it for God's sake.  But wait a minute.  My legs. My calves.  If I do say so myself, my calves are damn impressive.  No, commentator at the table couldn't see my legs behind the table, fair enough.  From his perspective, no, I likely did not look like a runner.  Fair enough.  I know what I am, I know what I'm not, and God knows I do know what I look like. 
Part of me, {maybe the hopeful, delusions, show off part of me?} likes to think that's why I might be good in the position I am in right now.  A mentor to other beginning runners.  I'm no better than any of them, I'll be the first to say that.  But I'd like to think that somewhere, somehow, there's someone who would like to start a walk/run program, but will shy away for the reason I always did: being overweight, being old. 
When I first started running school, the orientation was enough to make me want to puke.  I was quite confident I'd be the oldest and fattest one there.  Guess what? I wasn't.  Seeing one individual who was larger than me, a few my size and my age or older gave me the confidence to actually start. 
So I did. 
Since then, sure, I've likely been the biggest there was in a running school session, but to be honest, I've kinda stopped noticing.  So what?  Does it matter?
Nope.  I'm not going to let a body image, mine or someone else's,  determine what I'm going to do out there.  Some days I will rock it.  Other days, I'll bomb.  Likely neither one has to do with my size, shape or age.  I am what I am right now and nothing in my running mindset is going to change that.
 

The Countdown Begins!

I'm less than a week away from the Urban Cow Half Marathon Relay. At this point, I'm as trained as I'm going to get. The mental side is needing work, as always, but overall, my attitude is "let's do this thing". I can't say whether I'm excited, nervous, or just wanting to get it over with. Time will tell, I suppose. At the track this morning, I noticed what people were wearing. As always, I'm big on people watching, even when I run. It gives me something to do. This morning, being the last day in September, it was still too hot, even at 8:30 a.m. I am dying of the heat, still. It seemed odd to me to see people wearing long pants, long sleeves and even jackets. Soooo, wait a minute. Am I having hot flashes? People, I'm wearing shorts and a tee, and I'm sweating like a farm animal out here. So what gives? I was tempted to ask one individual who was bundled up like it was a blizzard out, why he was wearing sweat pants, a long sleeve shirt and a hoodie, zipped up with his hood on. But I opted not to. I feared it would be some answer that only a super fit person would understand. I did overhear one telling another "oh it feels so good to sweat". Really? I'll admit at times, it feels great to workout. It feels good to get aggressions, frustrations and emotions out in exercise. Sweating is just part of that, sure. But to feel good to sweat? nu-uh. I hate being sweaty. The only time it feels good to sweat is when it's arctic conditions out, and the cool air acts as a fan on my damp skin. In the heat? Sweat feels like I'm being basted in the oven. To each his own, I know. I remember starting a running school session when it was over 100 degrees out, and a fellow mentor advised how good the heat felt. Heat? Feeling good? No way. Only on a beach in Mexico or my bed on a cold winter morning is when the heat feels good to me. Something I will never ever understand. I guess there could easily be a blog entry about me, running in January with only shorts and a tee on, not being bothered one bit by the cold. Others wore ear muffs, gloves, hats, pants and jackets. Nope, not for me. Bring on the cold, I say. So how long are we betting before I'm bitching about the cold and how my old bones just don't work in the cold like they used to!?

Reaching the Summit

As my BIG race approaches in a little more than two weeks, I am starting to relax. Last week up until a couple of days ago, I was in a head spinning, failure to breathe panic. Gone, it seemed were the well wishers and cheerleaders who always told me " you can totally do it" So I was left on my own to figure out my own mental stuff. Yikes! Exactly what I don't trust: myself. How stupid is that?! Out of all this, the books, the coaches, mentors, the friends, cheerleaders, supporters, me is the one thing I should trust the most. Apparently I'm still working on that concept. As strangely as it sounds, I almost feel I'm in a different place than I was a mere 48 hours ago. Perhaps my panic is my fuel, perhaps the incredibly realistic dreams of me running, my father and other 'fillers' is getting to my psyche. In any case, I'm at a serene calm and I cannot get enough of it. It's as though this Mount Everest of a challenge for me has already passed. As much as I love the serenity and confidence, I cannot help but wonder if this is the 'right' path. I'm still too new at this to really know what works for me in terms of new challenges. I started reading a book called "Finding Your Zone: Ten Core Lessons for Achieving Peak Performance in Sports and Life" Thus far, I'm loving it. While much of it doesn't exactly apply to me, I'm taking out of it what I need to help the mental side of the game. I'm also working on my cadence. I hate cadence, it confuses and scares me. While in running school on Tuesday, I almost died when a coach 'metronomed me' .omg. Never had that happen before. Running next to me holding an i-phone beeping at me at a pace that sounded like the heartbeat of a hummingbird. 180BPM. You mean I have to run in rhythm to all that beeping? Oh hell no. Too fast. Can't breath. Feet are like lightning, no no no. Three words that made it all better "Shorten your stride" Okay. Ohhh!!! Baby steps! I like it!! I did find that I was able to run more, keep my stride with that horrid beeping I could not get out of my head {maybe that was a good thing?} I was amazed. With shorter strides, I WAS able to do more it seemed, for longer and I was in less pain, and could breathe easier. In essence, by simply shorter faster strides, I was putting out less energy. I love it! So now I have a new found boost, confidence and seemingly a new 'way' to run. I'm excited now!